𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 ✦ 𝐥𝐞𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠

𝟐 ✦ 𝐚 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐝𝐞

"Listen honey, that boy at the hospital earlier told me that you lost your breath and fainted right after you two bumped into each other. you don't just faint out of no where for no reason! A fever couldn't have possibly lead you to faint, There must be something more to this that I'm not quite wrapping my finger around.."

I shake my head, used to seeing this side of mom.
My mother is a psychologist. She started studying psychology almost 10 years ago because she noticed I was having a 'mentally rough time' when she was still with my father. He was a walking hell. He abused my mother and I in all sorts of ways; verbally, physically, sexually- you name it, he did it. 10 years ago she didn't even want to study anything, she just wanted to open a small bakery that she could bake in and manage on her own; but my father, he had other plans for the both of us.
Things happened, glasses were shattered, and a perfectly healthy family was destroyed.

She opened a large book that sat in the back of her book shelf and started turning over the pages to it, still searching for an explanation, that I was beginning to think, didn't even exist.
She suddenly stopped and started reading a page. Her shoulders slowly fell, as if a massive weight was lifted off of her. She looked at me with a sad look on her face.

"What is it?", I asked rolling my eyes.

"Sweetheart..", she said, now walking towards me while biting her fingernails.

"Mom, what's wrong?", I asked when I noticed a look she had that I've never seen on her face before.

"Hav-Have you been having a hard time socializing with people?", she suddenly asked, and I was taken aback by the question.

"I-I don't know, I mean I guess-"

"Do you get nervous whenever you're talking to someone? Do you think that you'll embarrass yourself if you do?", she asked again, cutting me off.

"Yes. W-what's going on-"

"Social anxiety.", she whispered under her breath.
"Sweetheart, I'm sorry for just realizing this. I should've opened my eyes a little wider and noticed these things about you sooner."
She looked me in the eyes, her eyes full of worry and sympathy. She pulled some closer to her and wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly. I relished the warmth of my mother's body and hugged her back.

I still couldn't clearly process what she just said. Is it true? Do I really have social anxiety? I mean, I'm not that surprised.. but the fainting, mental pep talks, stuttering? It was all just..

"I'll try my best to help you with this, okay? We're gonna get through this together, I promise.", she said, giving me a warm smile and letting her palm rest on my cheeks as her thumb caressed my face.

"Now rest, you still have a fever to deal with. I'll go get you a glass of water for your medicine.", she said, kissing my forehead before leaving me standing there between a pile of stacked books, blankly staring at the floor with no emotions running through my veins.

✦

I sat on our backyard's porch as I stared into the dark night sky. I had no thoughts in my mind about what my mom said earlier, I guess I just wasn't surprised.

I suddenly remembered what happened at the café with that boy.
I was sure that what happened wasn't from social anxiety.
I never had had a panic attack in front of people in that way. Something was very unsettling about how familiar he felt to me.

A whiff of cold air brushed against my back when the backyard door opened behind me. I immediately felt my mother's presence behind as she walked to me and sat next to me on the porch.
It was a chilly night, but she was just wearing a t-shirt. I took off my hoodie and placed it on her shoulders. She looked at me, surprised at my actions. I honestly didn't care whether I had a fever or not.

"Wear it. It's chilly tonight.", I told her when I saw her trying to take it off. She froze for a second before putting the hoodie back on.

silence took over, while both of us were staring at the stars in the sky.

"Mom?"

"Hmm?"

I went silent for a second before speaking up again.

"Will I be okay?", I looked at her and asked.

She looked at me, as she grabbed my hand in hers and smiled.

"Of course you'll be okay, honey. I'll try my best to help you as much as possible.", she replied, reassuringly squeezing my hand.

She opened her mouth as if to say something a couple of times but closed it again, hesitant to say what she had in mind. "Listen, no child should go through what you went through, ok? You deserved better. A better environment for a better childhood, and better parents.", she said, as she had a sad smile drawn on her face.

"Don't say that, mom. I already have the best mother anyone could ask for. You're an inspiring and strong independent single woman, do you realize how amazing that actually is? You raised me to be who I am today, you tried to fix me when I broke, you always bring out the best of me, even when I'm always socially awkward and embarrassing."

We both laughed.
she closed her eyes and deeply inhaled the night's cold air before placing her head on my shoulder.

"I love you, my little dinosaur."

"I love you too, mom."

┌───── ✦ 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 ✦ ─────┐

↷ hello everyone! I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter <3

Also, I just started this book and we're already at 39 reads like omg?? Thank you so much (◕﹏◕✿)

And for anyone who's wondering, no I don't write this often. The first 6 chapters of this book are already written, I'm just currently editing them.

anyways, until my next chapter; stay safe, stay hydrated, eat a lot, love yourself, you're amazing, you're beautiful, have a nice day & I love you ◡̈

— 𝟏/𝟒/𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐 —

              — 𝐋𝐮𝐥𝐮 ✿