My Dear Moon,

My Dear Darling,

"I write you a letter that begins
With I love you and ends with I love you and
Somewhere in the middle is one goodbye for
Every hurt"

-Patricia Smith

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

My Dear Darling,

It's been precisely 217 days since I left you. There are times when I still can't believe that I did. I always believed that you and I were one of those miracles that stay forever. I had my whole life planned ahead of me and there wasn't one moment where I couldn't picture you next to me. I would always tell myself that I could not live if you ever decided to leave me.

Ironic, isn't it?

I wonder what you think of me now. Do you blame yourself for everything? Do you blame me? Do you still love me?

Or do you despise me?

I hope you don't. It's selfish of me, I know. But I still hope that there's a part of you that loves me, even just a little bit.

I know that I've already had my chance and that I don't deserve another. I let the most precious thing in the world slip through my fingers.

At times I feel like I could get on my knees and beg, for just one more chance. Because I know I could make it count this time.

But I won't.

I can't do that. Not to you.

That's not what you deserve.

To the one who loves you next, I want them to know that your name is the most beautiful sound in the world. But I never called you that. And it's so strange because now that I look back on it,

I loved your name more than anything in the world.

I called you love and I called you darling but I never called your name. I suppose it was because I could never say your name without saying I love you right after. And sometimes, I was afraid that if I said it too much, you might hear the desperation in my voice and it might scare you away.

It was stupid of me I know, but when things started to get worse, when I felt you slipping through my fingers, I was still afraid to say I love you. Afraid that you might not say it back.

Maybe that's where everything started to go wrong.

So to the one who loves you next, I hope they give you everything you deserve and more. Everything that I never had the chance to.

I wanted to though, if that counts for anything. I wanted to give you the world. I spent countless hours working myself to the bone, practising my vocals until my throat was raw. I woke up before you did and came back when you were asleep. All because I was chasing after a world that wasn't mine to give.

I didn't realise until it was too late that having you already meant I had the world in my hands.

I guess it doesn't matter in the end.

To the one who loves you next, I hope they never find you. I know it's cruel and selfish but you've always been the better one out of both of us.

I hope they never find you. Never get to witness the little miracles when you wake up each morning with your nose scrunched.

I hope they never get the privilege of hearing your soft laughs and sweet confessions as you tell them how much they're loved.

I hope they never get to hold my world that I lost.

But if they do find you, then I hope they take good care of you and give you everything I never could.

With love,

Your Moon.

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

~𝓯𝓲𝓷