I've Got This Friend

Chapter 33

So guys, I was thinking of picking up this sequel at the same time as A Kiss to Send Us Off. How do we feel about another chapter then a part two? Are we enjoying Mae and Opie? Let me know! You guys rock! xoxo

-

A few weeks went by and while Mae was working to normalize and open herself up more, and it was difficult, except when she gave in and popped an Oxy, or two. She had decided to call the therapist and she knew to be completely sober while sitting on the woman's black leather couch and attempting to gain control of her life again.

"So I used up my vacation, sick and personal time." Mae explained. "I've been going, off and on, but knowing I have no choice now is killing me."

"You have to, you've been working toward going back all the way and a little pressure, after taking the time off, is necessary."

"I know." Mae nodded. "I wish everything else could be as easy as that."

"Things with the man you're seeing?"

"Yeah." Combing her fingers through her hair Mae tried to find the best place to start. "He's great and I feel safe with him, like I'm at home you know, comfortable and warm but he's so deep and he's a man. We went to a wedding over the weekend, it was beautiful and I could see myself marrying him, once I get this shit straightened out. The issue is, he never pushes but I feel like I can feel his eyes begging for something, verbal or physical, and I can't yet."

The therapist listened and jotted a few notes down as Mae spoke. "You feel that way, but in your rational mind, is that really the way it is?"

"No and I'm guessing that's some kind of wall I'm putting up or my way of protecting myself. He would never hurt me though, which is why I don't get why I do it. If I needed protect myself from anyone, it's not Ope, it'll never be Ope. I worry that pushing myself and hanging out with him is almost hindering my emotional recovery. Could he be a crutch?" Mae knew he could be but she knew the bigger hindrance was the pills.

The woman's eyebrows furrowed together as she thought about Mae's question. "Well, you're still coming here and you are going to work, sporadically of course, so I want to say no but he's your safe place. Having that is imperative but only if it does push you. If you use him to forget and regress, that's where it's a problem. You're not talking to him about anything?"

Mae puckered her lips and slowly shook her head. "Not really."

In Mae's mind, she wasn't lying. She wanted to talk to Opie, kiss him even but she used to pills to keep herself dulled and closed down, so really, she was talking about the Oxy being a crutch, but giving it a different name.

"Well, there's two things you can do. Force yourself to open up, bring him here even, if it's that serious, and rip that Band-Aid right off, or you can cut that and focus on yourself in the solo sense and not worry about the relationship. It sounds like he's not the one pressuring you, you are, now you need to respond accordingly to that pressure. This isn't like your work, you need to work and function but you don't need this relationship and if you do, then this decision is already made for you."

It was too much. Mae shifted focus quickly. "I don't want him to be the first man I sleep with."

The therapist nodded, it was far from a crazy or unusual thought. "Then I think you know what you have to do. Why exactly do you feel that way?"

Closing her eyes, Mae began to speak. "Well, I want to have sex with him. I'm not sure I'm ready but I do want to, kind of. It just, it feels weird. I know the first time will be awkward and I'll be scared and all but I don't want him to have to deal with it. I don't want to be that broken person."

"Do you think he cares about all that, does he feel that way?"

"It's not about him caring about what happened, I know he doesn't. We waited a while before we had sex anyway, he's good like that, so I know it's me."

"The only way you can stop seeing him like this is to give him the opportunity to show you how he really is with it all. Kiss him; see how he reacts, how it feels between you. I don't think he'll look at you as a broken person, but as the woman he loves, and has supported since the attack."

"I want him." Mae said, dropping her head in her hands. "If I wasn't so in love and I didn't trust him, I wouldn't but I know he'd never hurt me. I know rationally what happened and why, I don't have those questions you know? It's different then some random alley rape but I'm still fucked up from it. I'm scared I'm a different person to him, I'm damaged, that's why I want to push him away and fix it then come back."

"And if he didn't see you like that?"

"Then I'd pounce on him."

"Talk to him, Mae. It's the only advice I can give you. You're obsessing over these questions and assumptions that you might not have to. It's not too early, if you're ready to be with him, I suggest you do it but talk to him first. Open up and tell him your fears, then go from there."

-

Mae called Opie and asked him to come over. She was intent on doing as her therapist suggested but when he arrived; she felt the urge to vomit. Holding back the gags she met him in the doorway and, to the surprise of both of them, she stretched up and kissed him. It was sweet and reserved but they both felt that zing, one they had missed so much for weeks, and reticently pulled away.

"Hi." She said timidly. "I need to talk to you."

He nodded and stepped inside still tasting her on his lips and loving it. "What's up?"

"How do you see me?"

"Umm," Opie blanked. "I don't think I know what you mean."

"When you look at me, right now, what do you see?"

Smiling a little, he nodded. "I see you, my Mae."

"And six months ago, what did you see when you looked at me?"

"You, Mae, what's up?"

Dropping her head, she sighed heavily. "I'm crazy."

"Baby, talk to me, please, it's been too long since we talked."

"I can't see you anymore, for a little while, I think. My head is a fucking mess, it's not you, I mean it, it's me. I know you don't think I'm gross or broken but I feel like I am, and I need to work through that, I can't put pressure on myself to sleep with you or anything." Mae began to cry. "I'm sorry. Please don't hate me."

A few silent tears disappeared into his beard as he took her flailing hands and held them in his. "I don't hate you. I'm sorry if I made you that feel pressured or whatever. I'll wait forever, I don't mind, I just want you to be happy again. You're not gross or broken to me, you're just sad and I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you. If I'm being a dick it's because I'm pissed at myself, not you babe."

Mae listened and nodded along, her tears flowing faster with each of his words. "Just give me two weeks, okay? Please?"

"Two weeks." He repeated and stood. Mae followed him to the door. "I love you."

Instead of telling him, she showed him. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she kissed him again, more force and passion than before, and nodded as she stepped back. "I'll see you in two weeks."

When Opie left, his head swimming, he headed home to actually be with his kids. They'd been juggled around, for their own safety, but now he missed them. Maybe while she worked on herself he could reconnect with them now that the entire Jude debacle was settled. At least he thought it was settled. When he arrived home he saw squad cars in his drive and Hale waiting on his stoop.

"Harry Winston, you're under arrest."