To have and to loathe

• 𝐂hapter 53

"Killian, you need to eat," I pleaded. "You won't get better if you don't."

"I'm not hungry." He gruffed,  proceeding to ignore me.

I took a deep breath. "But you haven't had anything to eat all day."

"I know and I said I'm not hungry."

"Killian please, just—"

"What gives, woman." He snapped. "I said I'm not fucking hungry so stop treating me like I'm some sick child. I can take care of myself."

I frowned. "No, you can't. If you could you wouldn't have gotten drunk to the point you passed out."

He inclined his head and cocked his brow in an annoyingly condescending manner. "Are you going to play the blame game?"

My lips pursed. "No i—"

"Then don't you dare lecture me on what and what not to do."

He was definitely trying to provoke me. I mentally counted to five in my head before sighing out an exasperated breath. "I just want you to eat, Killian."

"And I said I'm not hungry. Now stop leeching around me like a parasite and make yourself useful somewhere else."

My cheeks flushed with anger. I had just outright had it with his mood swings. "All I've been trying to do is help you but since you so desperately want to be alone. Fine."

"Fine." He snapped.

"Fine!" I stormed out of his room, feeling my breathing growing labored, and by the time I reached my room, I was heaving with exertion, trying hard to keep the tears at bay but at some point, I gave up, letting a few fall.

Gosh. He was so unbearable!

We didn't speak to each other for the rest of the day. I stayed huddled up in my room, trying to get some sleep but how could I when I knew he was there and probably needed my help for something but his pride wouldn't let him ask.

When I heard rustling noises around the house, I figured he was up on his feet so I decided to get some sleep but it didn't take long for a clap of thunder to rouse me from my sleep.

The thunderstorm clapped again and I stared out the window to see it was raining so aggressively I was surprised I had been asleep for this long.

I glanced over at the alarm clock on my bedside. It was seven in the evening.

The desperate need to see Killian overwhelmed me.

Why was I so pissed at him?

Did I even have the right to be?

Frustration ate me as I clambered out of bed. Before I could stop myself, I padded out of my room and down the hallway. My pride was at stake but I didn't care. His door was shut. I knocked a few times but no one answered.

"Killian, can I come in?"

When I didn't get a reply, I figured it would be hard to hear my knocks due to the rain so I opened the door slowly and stepped in.

The bed was empty. I looked around the room but there was no sign of him and it wasn't until I heard the shower running that I realized where he was.

Jeez tho, his room was a mess. I hustled for his bed and caught sight of the lunch plate I had left earlier. When I raised the lid, it was empty. He'd eaten it after all.

With a smile on my face, I picked up his pillows and made his bed since I knew he was a spoilt brat and he wouldn't do it himself.

Just in the process of dusting the pillows, I heard the bathroom door open.

"What the hell are you doing in here?"

"I'm sorry. " I immediately dropped the pillow and turned to stare at him.

He had only his white towel on and seeing him like this twisted my tongue.

I cleared my throat. "I came here to apologize for earlier but when I knocked a couple of times no one answered so I just, um, walked and thought I'd help you with the bed."

He lifted a weary hand and pushed his wet hair out of his face. "Alright, get out now."

I knotted my fingers together. "I'm sorry."

"I think I've heard enough of that already, please use the door and let me fucking be." He walked over to the bed.

I swallowed.

"I'm just— I want you to know that I'm here for you and I know you haven't forgiven me but I'm ready to do anything to earn back your forgiveness."

He was quiet for a moment. I honestly hoped that he could see how sincere my words were because there was no other way I could prove how sorry I really was.

"Anything?"

I nodded eagerly. "Yes, anything, just name it."

His was quiet again, his eyes assessing me. After what felt like a monumental amount of time, his entire demeanor changed and with half-lidded eyes dark with ambition, he spoke. "Get naked."

My mouth went dry. I was certain I'd heard wrong. "What did you say?"

"I said... get naked."