The Truth Untold

My death

TW: SUC$de 

I never truly wish negative things on people once they can't handle my truth

Only I know the truth and I will stick by my truth

Evening though sometimes I want to lift the weight on my heart, I have to remain truthful with myself no matter the whispers in my ear

I'm the only one that holds the truth in my right hand not my left

The whispers are very persuasive sometimes even during the day

However, they are strong at night

I just want to collapse on the ground every time I see the people that matters to me even the one that doesn't shed a tear when I'm slowly dying

The pain is maturing as I grow older

Every day gets harder. When you have a walking trigger on campus you just want to kill it but you can't

Rats are hard to kill 

I feel sometimes that I am a leech looking for my next fix

I can't seem to find a host

Everyone has a host except me

Everyone is telling me I don't need a host

Hypocrisy at its finest

I can't stand hypocrites

I can't even stand myself

I said I would not talk to the devil but I did

The whispers get louder every day

I struggle. No one is willing to listen to me no one. 

The people on this planet don't need me 

The only references I learn from are my own mistakes. My mistakes alone.

Lately, I have been staring at my pill bottle on my shelf

It got to the point I laid out six pills, six is not enough, on my desk contemplating

Waiting

April fifth is approaching

I deem that day my sacrifice for the world

....

I look around my room and think of nothingness

I use to have more self-control than this. Most of the time I am alone with the whispers. The only thing that keeps me company is the whispers. 

....

I can feel them on my shoulders putting pressure

I say they whisper in my ear but they don't speak I just know what they want me to do at that very moment 

They tell me they can make me feel better if I just stop fighting and embrace the darkness

I never liked the dark 

Lies

I welcome the darkness

I welcome the stares I get on campus

I welcome the whispers despite what I said

If I die, the one who gets over my death the fastest never cared about me. They only cared about forgetting me.