The Truth Untold

PA (I think)

I can't breathe.

I can't control these emotions inside me; I can't breathe. I am getting lightheaded. The pain is hard to control hard to manage. I can't live. It's getting harder to breathe by the second. I can't breathe, God damn it!!!! 

I can't breathe, my throat is trying to close, but I am not letting it, just like how I am not letting my fears get to me. I try to clear my mind of things, but it is unbearable. 

Everything is caving in, but I choose to ignore it. Nothing will stop me from meeting my goal. 

But I don't know my goal. I create this illusion that I have everything planned out, but I don't. Everything is coming together now.

I can breathe now. My breathing is stable now. Just enough for me.

Just enough for me to not let things repeat, I will not be here tomorrow mentally, but that's alright. All is forgiven; I can take it. I need more time. I'm not delusional, just naive. Naive to what just happened to me previously. I needed an outlet to calm my nerves.

This is my outlet, and if something were to happen that restricted me from coming here, I would be alright. I have other alternatives.

My options are extended but my patience is not. I will not tolerate failure on my part. I can not tolerate it. I can not accept lies and broken promises from others. If I am not going to be there for you, I won't tell you I will be there. I've practiced that rule on somebody, and now they take notes from me. I give them a clap for listening to me.

I am proud of them because they finally found a way to not be hard-headed for once. I am astonished by their growth if you even call it that. 

I'm not always going to be there because I have my issues to handle. I'm better off focusing on myself. I need to focus on myself; I need it. No matter the struggle, I can get through my pain.

Everything is momentary, no matter the years a couple has been together, no matter the years. 

I am stable now physically.