Touch you | Winrina

18

She accepts a handkerchief with a wry smile that becomes muted but gentle when she notices Karina's concerned expression. "I'm fine," she whispers, and her grip on Karina's elbow tightens. "I'm okay."

"You're okay," Karina repeats. Except she's not. Not really. She sees it in her tears, more bitter than sweet. In the trembling of her lashes. In the twist of her mouth. Winter was supportive and downright giddy at times during preparations. Karina guesses that today she decided to let go.

She loses Winter among the mingling crowd just for a second, but it's enough for the girl to sneak away somewhere. Karina's guess is the bathroom. She should probably leave her alone with her thoughts. Let her gather herself and her emotions.

But Winter doesn't like being left alone with her thoughts, and Karina doesn't like the thought of Winter being alone right now.

Her step sister opens the bathroom door after a quiet 'it's me' from Karina, and her makeup is smudged enough for her to know she was crying.

"You're not okay," Karina observes.

Winter snorts. "You think?" She sighs, then, taking Karina's hand and guiding her to sit next to her. Karina kicks the door closed behind them, as an afterthought, and it shuts with a soft click. "I'm sorry. I'm just... on edge, I guess."

"You don't have to apologize," Karina points out. The sparkle in Winter's eyes at her words is confusing, but not unwelcome. She plays with Winter's fingers for a little while, gently brushing her thumb over them. The gesture is calming to her, and so she does it again. "I... May I ask you a personal question?"

Her step sister grins. It's hollow. "Jagi, after last night, you can get as personal as you want." Her attempt at deflecting is hollow, too. But Karina is given an okay so she goes with it.

"Is this because of your father?" It may have been too blunt, Karina thinks. Winter apparently thinks so, too. Her hand jerks in Karina's hold, and she hastily lets go, afraid of having overstepped something. Something fragile. Perhaps she should've thought about it before voicing her question.

Has she already mentioned always questioning her decision-making around Winter?

It's several agonizingly silent seconds before Winter replies. "I don't know." Karina snaps her head up, surprised at hearing her speak. She was contemplating leaving the bathroom, quietly, perhaps with a mumbled apology and downcast gaze. But Winter is speaking to her again. "Well, no. That's a lie. Of course it's about him. She's moving on, and I can't stop her. I have no right to stop her. I thought I was okay with it, you know? With everything and with how happy she seemed lately and with you..." Winter trails off, suddenly unsure, but Karina keeps looking at her, and she seems to find something in her eyes that urges her to go on. "I mean, with us." Her voice is stronger. Karina smiles, and Winter's fingers are hers again to trace and caress. "But... This isn't fair. This isn't fair to him. Right? Being-" Winter stops, abruptly, and takes a sharp breath, and suddenly Karina gets it.

Being happy isn't fair when someone you want to share that happiness with is dead.

She's tentative as she gathers Winter in her arms, feeling her shoulders gently shake with silent sobs. "I don't remember my mother," she whispers into Winter's hair. Inhales her scent, then. Presses what she hopes to be a soothing kiss to the top of her head. Winter's fingers tighten their hold on her dress, and she thinks that wrinkles are inevitable. She doesn't care. "I think she was nice. I know father was in a bad place when she died." Winter shifts in her arms, and she smiles when she feels a tiny kiss pressed against her collarbone. "I look like her. Kinda. I think. We don't have pictures but someone once told me that."

"I look like my dad," Winter lets her know in a whisper, drawing small, unsure circles on her thigh. "How come you don't have pictures?"

Karina shrugs. "Maybe father does. I've never really asked him." It's a bizarre feeling – sharing their scars in a guest bathroom. Bizarre, but not a bad one. "Maybe I should. I'm sorry," she offers next, scooting back so she can look Winter in the eye. "I'm bad at this. Emotions aren't really my thing. I don't handle them well. What I'm about to say will probably sound insensitive, and I'm sorry in advance." That gets a small chuckle from Winter. "I don't know how you feel, Winter. But I think being happy is not a bad thing. It isn't something to feel guilty about. Your mom found happiness again, and you're happy for her. You don't have to constantly mourn for your father. It isn't disrespectful to his memory to feel good. It just makes you..." Karina trails off, thinking of a word, and then shrugs. "Human. Alive. You deserve that." the last part is probably unnecessary, but Winter's eyes are sparkling again, and suddenly Karina doesn't care how pretentious she sounds.

"I don't deserve a lot of things, but I'm too selfish to let them go," Winter whispers, and, before Karina has a chance to ask for clarification, she leans in, brushing her lips against Karina's. It tastes like champagne. And like a thank you. Karina gladly takes it.

They make it back to the party around half an hour later, when Winter fixes her makeup and Karina gathers enough courage to be around this many people again. Winter's hand brushes against hers throughout the evening, and father's colleagues don't seem as revolting anymore.