The Player or the good Guy -Marauders Era

Chapter 17

Chapter 17 - Firewhiskey

Sat- 26. September 1977

Drink as much Firewhiskey as you need to get totally drunk.

I rolled my eyes when I walked upstairs, because Dalton was being really childish with this curse. He could make me spy om the Orden or give Dumbledore false hints about Voldemord or many other things that were better than getting me drunk, while he couldn't even see what I was doing.

"Hey, Scar! Come in, come in!", I heard Remus babble, who was sitting on the floor of their dorm, leaning agains his bed and with a bottle of firewhiskey in his hands. His hair was very voluminous because the gel, that he normally put into it, didn't do it's job very well anymore. Appareanly he was also getting really drunk tonight, even though he did it by free will.

"Hey, Remus. Are you drunk already?", I asked ironically because it was obvious that he was tipsy. His upper body staggered a bit when he looked up to me and when he understood the question, he vigorously shook his head. When I sat down next to him, I remembered that the last time we met, we didn't part very friendly, and so I wanted to apologize again.

"Remus, can I t- take a drink as well?", I asked, trying to say something completely different. But the curse made me want alcohol, even though I wasn't much of a drinker. And instead of apologizing, I got the bottle of firewhiskey from Remus. "Joining the club? 'Cuz I'm getting wasted tonight. Oh, and I'm sorry it didn't work out with Sirius.", Remus said, not sounding sorry at all that it didn't work out with Sirius, even though I didn't even know what he meant. Did Sirius have another girl? I wanted to ask him more about it, but the urge to take a sip out of the bottle was bigger. When I took a big sip and gave the bottle back to Remus, I couldn't stop myself from squinch up my face because it was so disgusting. The liquid burned it's way to my stomach and I could feel how it seemingly heated me up from inside. When I looked at Remus, and saw how he was just staring at the bottle, I felt that something was wrong.

"What happened to you, you look like you just saw a ghost.", I said, using the muggle expression and fighting the urge to ask him of the bottle again. I noticed that the more I concentrated on Remus and too myself that it would be irresponsible to drink more, the clearer my head got. Then, from one moment to the other, the fog in my head was just gone. All my worries, my fears came back to me and with them also the pain. I had massive pain in my right arm and I struggled to keep a straight face. That must be from the dark wound, that bastard really did hurt me a lot. I swore to myself that I would get back to him, but right now Remus was more important.

"I see ghost everyday. But in my dreams I see a werewolf, myself, killing innocent people. ", Remus explained with a monoton voice, while he kept staring at the bottle, not noticing that I just fought an unforgivable curse.

"You don't kill innocent people, Remus! You can control it now.", I tried to comfort him, but he just shook his head again. "Whatever, you don't even know what it's like! You don't know how hard it is."

"I can try to help you!", I said, feeling hurt by his words because I really did try to help him.

"Hey you two!", Sirius shouted, coming out of the bathroom with a girl following him. When they came into the room, I noticed that it was Marlene. She laughed and held Sirius arm like it was her only source of life. Then she turned him around and kissed him passionately.

It felt like my heart stopped for a second when I saw this. I could feel jealousy overwhelm me and I quickly laid my head on Remus' shoulder to show Sirius that I didn't mind. Stupid bitch, to be so foolish and kiss the player. He was going to use her and throw her away after a few day, like he did with every girl.

"I have to go to the bathroom.", I said to get away from watching the two make out. When I got up and walked in the direction of the bathroom, the door to the dorm opened and James came in, followed by two girls. One with red hair and one with brown hair.

"Hey, Moony. I got you the girl you asked for."

This one sentence was the most horrible that I ever heard. My intestines felt like they started to move around, burning up with heat and my heart tightened hurtfully. Remus had asked for a girl? Was he actually interested in someone else and maybe even had a crush on her, pretending to love me for a kiss? Even though I kept convincing myself that I wouldn't care if he did like someone else, right now there was no denying that I did care.

"Yeah, Bella! Isabella, I am so glad that you made it!", Remus said, got up and hugged Isabella, the Ravenclaw girl we had detention with once. She laughed and that laugh just made me sick. "I'm glad that you're happy.", she answered when Remus let go of her and now stood really close. Then he suddenly stepped foreword, taking her neck with his left hand and pressed his lips on hers, the bottle of firewhiskey still in his other hand.

I heard the wolf-whistles from Sirius and James only dulled while I stumbled backwards to the door. I almost didn't realize Lily, who asked if I was okay and the words that I spoke didn't seem to be mine: "I am fine, just drank too much. I am gonna check on Aya now, she should be back."

I walked to the door, trying to keep a straight posture when all I wanted to do was lye on the floor, crying my eyes out. Yes, I did feel bad when Sirius kissed other girls, but this was so different. This was actual pain. I felt like I was just being kissed by a Dementor, all my happiness got sucked out of my body and left were that one horrible memory: Remus kissing Isabella. I saw it over and over again while I walked, rather tripped down the stairs into the common room. I didn't even care about people calling my name or looking at me in a weird way, I just had to be alone right now.

I ran down the stairs of the castle, through the Entrance Hall and then, I finally was outside. Some people just got back from Hogsmeade and said 'Hello' to me, but I had everyone blocked out. I couldn't hold my tears back anymore. In front of the others, especially in front of Remus and Sirius, I had to pretend like I was okay. But I wasn't, and I was afraid I would never be. Without noticing, I had been running to the forrest, the only place where I could be alone. I turned into a wolf as I ran and then, I just kept running like I could run away from the pain.

+

I found myself next to a beautiful lake deep in the forrest, an area with lots of magical creatures like unicorns and centaurs. I felt that I was getting calmer, my heartbeat slowed down and the pain got less. I forced myself to not think about the kiss, which was really hard, but by concentration on my seances, it finally worked. I just concentrated on the beautiful smell of all the flowers around the lake, the fresh air that was blowing through the leaves of the trees and I focused on the sounds. The chirping and whistling of the birds, the splashing of the flying fishes in the water and the sound of the little waterfall that was across the lake, creating a rainbow together with the sun.

I could just stay here in the woods as a wolf, ignore all the problems I had. For this moment, it felt like I could actually run away from reality. But with one last breath of freedom, I made my way back to the castle. Back to my weird love life, my brother who was being bullied by Slytherins, my exams and school, and my perfectly happy best friend, whose mood I didn't want to spoil.

When I reached the castle after turning back into a human near the Quidditch field, I could see Aya and Fabian just passing through the huge doors of the entrance hall, walking in direction of the kitchens. I smiled to myself, I bet they had an amazing date, and it would end perfectly with a little snack from the helpful houseelves. I could see that they linked their hands just before they disappeared behind a corner and were out of sight.

"Katherine! Katherine! There you are, I was looking for you everywhere!", I heard a female voice, but I wasn't really sure whose it was. I just really prayed to god that it wasn't Isabella, telling me that she was sorry for kissing Remus or something. But what if it was and everyone knew now that I had a major crush on Remus? That would be the most embarrassing moment of my life and it would probably be hurtful when Remus told me again that he just wants to be friends.

"Hey, are you okay? Your aura is really bad!", another female voice directly behind me said and I twirled around, almost scared to death. It was Sybill Trelawney behind me, her hair all over the place and looking as weird as usual. Just as I wanted to say something to her, I could feel a hand on my shoulder and the same girl as before say: "I know that you lied before."