"I didn't choose this for myself: the constant heartache, the feeling out of place in my own home, the lack of freedom. I didn't choose it, just like you didn't, Elijah. I can live with a husband who doesn't love me, but I will not forgo respect. I'...
I immerse myself in this feeling, and finally, let all the tears out. I cry out for the little girl who felt like she wasn't enough. I cry for the teenager who just wanted to be accepted. For the adult I've become: someone who thought she had it all and lost it all so quickly.
"You're enough darling. Don't ever doubt that." And like that, the feeling of my father's arms wrapped around me, I conjured up in my head, disappears.
I'm calmer, and when I open my eyes, standing in the bathroom, the reflection in the mirror terrifies me. There's not much life left behind my eyes, the bags highlight how tired I feel and the tear-streaked cheeks are void of colour.
I splash my face with water and after stripping off my dress, I head to bed. The comforter engulfs my naked body and soon after my head hits the pillow, I fall into a deep slumber.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
The morning after, I wake up by 7:00 am, but stay in bed until 2:00 pm, to avoid interaction. My stomach grumbles again, but I ignore it, again.
My phone rings and I see it's mom. I let it go to voicemail, not able to deal with her today. I hear a door close and assume Elijah has left, and make my way to the living space.
To my surprise, Elijah is sitting at the kitchen island doing work when I get there. Ignoring his presence, I make myself an iced tea and in little time it's ready.
"Lilliana." Why does my name sound so sensual when it's him saying it.
"Yes?" I ask impatiently. His response makes my face contort, "I want to apologize for some things I said yesterday. I talked to Santi and he said that Oron used some force. That you were actually following me."
I look at him waiting for him to continue. "I was pissed and it was wrong for me to treat you like that. Our actions always have consequences, and whatever they are for my actions yesterday, are on me. I'm sorry for talking to you that way."
My response doesn't come, and as he waits for it, I continue staring at him. "Won't you say something? Anything?"
"I don't want this, Elijah. I'm saying this in case you didn't know. I never asked for this. You have this tendency to act like I forced you into this marriage. I. Did. Not. I had a life before you. I was happy. All of that, plus my freedom vanished the day my mother told me I had to marry you. I begged for alternatives. I begged for an explanation, and I didn't get anything."
An exasperated sigh leaves his lips, as he rakes a hand through his hair. "What are you trying to say, Lilliana."
"I'm saying, I didn't choose this for myself: the constant heartache, the feeling out of place in my own home, the lack of freedom. I didn't choose it, just like you didn't, Elijah. I can live with a husband who doesn't love me, but I will not forgo respect. I've done that for far too long. The way you treated me like a stubborn child having a tantrum, yesterday night, I won't take it anymore."
