Miles Apart - Sam Kiszka x OC fanfic

CHAPTER 36: JAKE

Met by silence for the millionth time that night, I hesitantly took a step away from the boy I longed to see and began to walk back to my room. I avoided the creaky spots along the floorboards like Sam had but tripped over a nail poking out from the ground, making the entire floor creak and moan in the silence of our still home. Three bedroom lights switched on suddenly; Danny, Sam, and Josh all walking out of their bedrooms and staring at me. The similar lilac shadow on Sam's face sat beneath Danny and Josh's eyes too, all three of the boys looking like absolute death.

"None of you have slept either, huh?" I sadly laughed, wiping the tears off of my cheeks.

"Not a wink," Josh admitted as Danny shook his head in consensus. I sighed, looking down the hall to Sam as I debated attempting to sleep.

"Anyone have any weed?" I shrugged, figuring that was our best bet.

"Yeah," Sam laughed, quickly walking into our room empty-handed, and returning with a brown wooden box. 

The three boys groggily made their way up to me, trailing close behind as I wandered down to the front door.

"Outside?" Josh asked, a disapproving look on his face.

"Hot tub," I smiled, opening the door and pulling my shirt over my head as I walked out to the hot tub we hardly ever used. I stripped down to my undergarments and opened the lid of the tub before turning around and grabbing the weed from a very disapproving Sam.

"Joshua Michael Kiszka, you better keep your eyes at a respectable height or I swear to god-"

"It's fine, Sammy. Josh will be respectful," I laughed as I grabbed the box from Sam, picking up a joint and lighting it before climbing into the hot tub," this is a celebration of life, okay?"

"Okay," Sam agreed as he and the other two boys stripped down to their underwear and climbed in.

"To Lilli," I softly smiled as I took a hit, passing it around to the rest of them.

"To Lilli," they repeated. 

As we passed the joint around and let our high hit, I found myself staring up at the stars. I hoped she was up there; she'd always wished to become a star when she died, and I wished so too. I wanted nothing more than to have her beautiful soul represented by such a being as a star, better yet a planet.

"Guys," Danny said, snapping me out of my trance.

"Yeah?" Sam questioned as he pulled me into him, soothingly kissing my forehead.

"I'm sorry I was gone," he sighed, "Jake told me she was going to die the first time I visited, and I couldn't watch her fade away. I was selfish, and I'm sorry."

"Hey, man. It's cool," Sam excused as he blew smoke from his slightly parted mouth.

"No," I half-heartedly chuckled, "No, it's not cool."

"Bella, I-"

"We all had to watch her fade away, Danny," I snapped, cutting him off, "What makes you so much better than us that you can just step back and wait for her to die, meanwhile we all had to watch it happen?"

"Bella, come on. It was hard for all of us," Sam whispered to me as I stared at Danny; his previous blissed-out state dissipating into pure guilt as a frown spread across his lips.

"But I watched her die. I watched her go," I whimpered, melting into Sam's torso. 

"I know you did, baby. You're here now, okay? You don't have to watch her go anymore," he consoled as I felt myself crumble under his gentle caresses.

"I'm sorry, Danny. It's just all so fucking hard to deal with. I don't mean to take it out on you, it's just..... I- you weren't there, and that made it even harder. We needed you," I gulped, "I needed you."

"I'm here now," Danny mumbled, his eyes avoidant.

"But you weren't then," Josh chimed in, a similar bitterness settling on his face.

"I'm sor-"

"Stop apologizing, man. You did what you did. Let's just move on, alright?" Sam sighed, shifting uncomfortably next to me, obviously torn between supporting his girlfriend or his best friend.

We all sat there for a moment, avoidant of each other's stares and different viewpoints on the matter. We didn't want to fight; not being one was the last thing we needed right now. Sam coughed in the stillness, an eerie hush following as he exhaled; the crickets as silent as our breaths, almost as if we moved, we'd disrupt the entire night.

God, I was so high.

"I was in love with her," Danny blurted.

No one moved a muscle.

"Lilli, I mean. I was in love with her."

"You- you were..... but Mac, or fucking Jake- I can't-" I stumbled over my words, trying to comprehend what he was saying to me.

"I loved her all throughout high school, and I'd asked her out before I started dating Mac, but she rejected me. I thought I was over it, but seeing her like that; dying, I mean. It destroyed me," he sighed, "that's why I never came around."

"That's....." Sam started, puffing ut his cheeks, "That's rough, man."

Suddenly, we heard a door slam from inside the house; our temporary state of stillness breaking as we all snapped our heads around, peering through the window behind us. The previously closed window now sat wide open, the sheer curtain blowing in the warm spring air, outlining a familiar silhouette rushing down the hallway.

"Fuck," Danny groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose as he let his head fall back.

I covered my mouth, realizing what had just happened.

"Jake," Danny mumbled, knowing how bad he'd just fucked up.

I nodded, my eyes wide as I turned back to face him.

"Jake," I agreed; his four-letter name like a curse rolling off my tongue. Danny looked back at me like I'd know what to do, his red eyes fearful in the glow of the moonlight.

"What the fuck do I do?"