I Wanna Be Yours (Jean Kirstein x Fem! Reader)

Eighteen (18) - The 57th Expedition

Y/n just stared at her uncle, obviously shocked. She never really thought of the "spy" joining them and going to ambush their expedition. "If...if ever this expedition gets ambush...things will get ugly, commander." Y/n said.

Erwin nod his head. "I know that very well. And I'm playing another gamble.  Be ready to place your bets. Because this is the only way for us towards the truth." Erwin said. Y/n let out a deep sigh. She shut her eyes and shook her head. I might just bet my life on this... Y/n thought.

Her brows shot-up when she saw lots of red smoke signal fired at the sky.

Y/n watched her uncle who fired a green smoke. They just continued on their way, Erwin keeps firing a green smoke to give a signals to the scouts.

After a while of riding om horseback and just moving forward, Y/n started to feel anxious when she realized that it has been a while since a red smoke signal was fired. That's strange. It's already been quiet a while since the red signal was sent, but our formation is still in disarray... Y/n thought as she roamed her eyes around the land.

She was about to say something, but Y/n was shocked upon seeing a black smoke signal was fired on the sky.

"H-hey...we have an abnormal coming in the right flank." Y/n said.

Erwin's brows furrowed. Y/n felt even more anxious when consecutive black some signals were fired at the sky.

Y/n muttered a curse under her breath. "Some of the new recruits are in the right flank and also some of our senior scouts, commander. I think that...the right flank has been--"

"Look forward, Y/n." Erwin said, totally cutting off his niece. Y/n was about to protest, but she shut her mouth when Erwin stared at her with his scary yet calm serious expression.

"Let them take care of it." Erwin said.

Y/n's hold on her horse's reigns tightened. She closed her eyes and nod. "Understood, commander." Y/n said and just focused on their way.

Y/n felt her heart beating fast as time  passes by. She feels so anxious and she can't get her mind off from the thought of her comrades dying while fighting lots of abnormals. For Y/n, it's frustrating to be in the safe formation and just let the others die in vain.

"This is the price of being a commander, Y/n." Erwin spoke. Y/n looked at him with furrowed brows. "You'll have to lead hundreds or even thousands of your comrades to death just to accomplish a mission. You'll have to close your eyes, cover your ears and keep on going because you know that they have your backs while you move forward towards the truth. I want you to understand because in here, you'll have to see your comrades die in order for us to win this fight."

Y/n gulped. Her uncle's words didn't help her to calm down at all. She only felt more nervous. But still, Y/n is not an idiot not to listen to her uncle, she knows what she signed up for. It's not a fantasy play where she could have a happy ending, it's a cruel story for Y/n and for everyone in the survey corps.

"Fuck this..." Y/n muttered under her breath. She kept her eyes on their way and didn't dare to look back anymore.

I'm praying...to whoever god, goddess or daity out there...please...don't take anymore of my friends away from me.

Y/n let out a deep sigh, she looked at her hands that's trembling. Her eyes landed on the silver star bracelet she's wearing on her right wrist. Jean gave it to her, earlier, just before they left.

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Y/n held the face of her horse. She smiled a bit and leaned her forehead on her horse's forehead. "The two of us will go outside the walls, h/n. Let's take care of each other." Y/n said.