Choti Si Duniya - ArShi FF

41. The grief - part 2

She wanted to share her guilt, her regret of not being able to take care of their baby. She wanted to tell him she was really looking forward to being a mother to their baby, the little laad governor like he had said. She wanted to tell him that she was going to make him run around the city to fulfil her cravings. She wanted to tell him that she had even overcome the fear of childbirth and labor pain...and when she finally delivers, she was going to cry and he was not allowed to tease her for her tears then..those would be tears of joy of having their child...

But there was no child now..

And with that came anger. How could he ignore her like this? How could he be so heartless at such a moment? Did he blame her for losing their baby so much that he had turned his face away? Didn't he too fail to realize their happiness earlier? Was he happy now?

--*--

It was the 3rd day after her discharge from hospital when Khushi stepped in their bedroom in search of Arnav. It was almost 10pm. She had spent sometime with nani after dinner, but nothing was able to calm her. She needed him, and if he was not able to reach her, she will go to him. With that determination, she marched towards him. He was at the poolside staring at night sky like every night these days.

She stood besides him and once again, silence engulfed her. Her initial determination to break the ice slowly disappearing, she was once again feeling like not saying a word and let them be as it is. They stood there like that, him staring at the sky while she looking at the calm water in the swimming pool. Minutes went by and finally she felt tired and decided to go inside and lie down.

Just as she turned, she heard him whisper,

"Which one do you think is our baby?" he asked without turning to look at her

Arnav had obviously known she was standing besides him. He never needed his eyes to tell him about her arrival or her presence around him. His heartbeat did that job fine. But he was not in a mood to say something. To be honest, he was at loss of words and he had hoped she would make a conversation. He had even felt relieved that she had taken the first step.

But when he sensed she had dropped her plans to make a talk, he couldn't help but ask,

"Which one do you think is our baby?" he asked indicating the stars and he was looking for their baby in them. She had once told him about this theory that every person who leaves this world resides in a star...he was trying to locate their baby in there but needed her help.

"pata nahi. Bohot baadal hain aajkal yaha(I don't know. It is too cloudy these days.)" She answered realistically, yet they both knew her words had deeper meaning.

"He or She got angry on me, Khushi. That's why she left." he said turning to her, and Khushi gasped when she saw how defeated her husband looked. That moment, Khushi once again realized if there was anyone in this world her husband would open his heart to, it is her

"aapse kyun naraz hone laga aapka baby? ghussa toh woh humse hain, humne uske nakhre jo nahi uthaye thik se, khayal nahi rakha (why would your baby be upset with you? Our baby was upset with me that I didn't handle their tantrums, didnt take care)"

And with that her laad governor hugged her and finally they both cried for the first time since that day, since the day they were informed of losing their baby. 

"It was not unwanted Khushi. I DID NOT mean anything  I said that night, please tell her na? Tum toh jaanti ho na, I never mean anything I say in spur of the moment? It was the same stupid habit of mine. I did not regret getting us pregnant, our baby..was unplanned, NEVER unwanted."

"I know. Our baby was never unwanted Arnavji, it was just surprise, a very pleasant surprise that both of us were really expecting and look what happened, our baby paid for my clumsiness. I am sorry." she confessed and he pulled a little away from the hug to look at her. If they were having this conversation, better get everything done and discussed with so they got a proper closure.

"I had thought so too you know? But then I thought if it was someone who had been harsh to the news of her arrival, it was I. I said so many stupid things, while I should have been over the moon with this news."  his confession made her smile a little

"and for that, I was angry at you too. I was already so scared with what was happening and then you too were being your laad governor self with me." she said sadly

"I know and I am so sorry. But I promise you Khushi, we will have our baby with us one day and I will love you both so much that you will forget this time of our lives." he pulled her back in his arms and they both closed their eyes making a wish despite not seeing a shooting star...

And slowly the clouds started clearing, making way for a starry night! A few stars started twinkling and blessing the couple standing there in each other's embrace.

--*--

A/N – Like they said, it was unplanned but never unwanted. I have nothing more to say...emotionally drained. Its almost midnight 3 am on my side of the world but I wanted to post this before sleeping.

Next chapter onwards, we'll have flashbacks of Chiku's and twins' births :)