Secret of the Wings

1 Ray

Another day of meaningless talks and fake feelings. I know that on the inside they all musst fell like me, they feel nothing, numb, empty. And yes, this is another one of these sob stories where somebody hates their basic ass life. If you hate these kind of stories... well you have excellent taste. I hate those as well. But I can't help it because that's what whoever is planning my life, let it be karma, god or whatever, has got in store for me.
But if you decide to read this shit... I will accept death threats but on one condition you have to follow through with them. Thanks in advance.

I am finally home I put my stuff in it's place and place myself on the couch. I take out a sketchbook and scribble some things in it while watching the news. Afterwards I make myself some dinner and finally go to bed. The warm and heavy blanket manages to make every feeling left disappear for good. Peace at last.

The annoying yet reliable noise of my alarm wakes me from my dreamless sleep and I roll out of bed.
After breakfast I give myself one last glance in the mirror: grey suit, navy tie and some navy shoes. The slicked back caramelish maybe chocolaty hair on my head. Lastly I grab my purse and leave.
"Good morning." My neighbour Mrs. Gin greets me. "Good morning and a wonderful day." I answer absently. During the train ride I observe the by now familiar faces and inspect the few unknown ones.
After 45 minutes I finally arrive at work. 7.45 am perfect. I enter the massive building. I don't have to look around, behind the reception desk with the sigh "Maxon's Ink." Is going to be a young woman in uniform I also know that I will not have seen her face before - Mr. Maxon never keeps a receptionist for longer then a week and Lucy, the predecessor of this week's darling had been working here for a week and a day- a new record. I step into the elevator and press 18- legal department.
The second I exit Ron informs me of all the shit I have to do today. I am not listening- there is going to be a sheet of papers with all this information on my desk. Before I arrive at my desk Ron is already called away - he is sort of the floor-secretary. I sit down at my desk and start reviewing the contracts- my first meeting is in an hour so I might as well get some work done.

After what felt like an eternity of boring it is finally lunchtime. As I get on the roof a feeling of freedom comes over me. The view is just beautiful every damn time. I sit down on the bench watch the city and listen.
Sometimes I imagine just jumping - no I am not suicidal yet... I imagine spreading my wings (wich I obviously don't have) and flying. The weird thing is I am kinda scared of heights, well anyways. Could you imagine the wind in your hair, the freedom- yeah of course I am daydreaming again... I can feel my phone vibrating in my pocket, my break is over- yay another eternity of boring.

I am finally done with work and can go home again. Damn it feels so good to put on a pair of sweatpants and an oversized hoodie.

The rest of the week goes by boring and slowly.
Now it is friday, just after my break and I don't have any work left so I can go home and enjoy my weekend- best time of the week. Just as I am about to leave the girl behind the reception calls my name an tells me that Miss Jones - Mr. Maxon's right hand - wants to speak to me. So instead of going out the door I turn around and go back to the elevator- floor 24 this time there is only one more floor (Mr. Maxon's floor). Now why the fuck does Ms. Jones want to speak to me now?

"Ah, Ray good to see you!" Ms. Jones greets me as soon as I step out fo the elevator. "You wanted to speak to me Miss?" I try to cut out any form of smalltalk. "Alright I have something special for you." She says - if it is work somebody is going to die me or her - my week off is coming up. "Pardon me saying this but me week off is coming up." A slight the hint of WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK in my voice. "I know but you are the only one fit for the job." Ms. Jones tries to argue. "Okay, well... what is it then?" My voice fell of disbelief and insecurity. "We have a meeting with a big pharma company and we need a lawyer there." She explains. "But..." I try to argue, Ms.Jones cuts me off "All other qualified employees are on other jobs. The meeting is in New York and we'd pay for your stay plus some time afterwards if you'd like." "Could I have some time to think about it?" My voice is a bit shaky and silent. "Of course you can" she smiles politely "But please consider that your career at Maxon's Ink is let's say... closely linked to this trip." "I understand Ms. I will come by tomorrow and inform you of my decision, if that is alright." A smile forming on my face. "Sure it is." Ms. Jones agrees and points at the door. Why now? Is the question bothering me on the way and at home.

As I make some dinner my mind wanders off to the dream I used to have about life, as a child - the small bookshop/cafe I was going to open after studying literature. I was going to have a nice small flat and some cats, it would have been perfect.
Now I am living in this flat in the middle of London and work on a boring job because 'It is the way my life is supposed to be'. My head full with thoughts I go to bed thinking about what I am gonna do about the job...