Getting Up: Finding My Way Back in a Flash, 2011-2014

Poetry

The Oldest

The tips of his fingers traced her hip
Her warmth ran in rivulets down into his palms
His eyes rolled black, he thought of his last day alive
He compared it to everything that struggles
She panted and rolled into him.

Crusted bread, crumbled cheese, a curled tomato on a tray
Moonlight-shot glass, titanium-white spattered floorboards
Shadows on top of shadows;
Stretching, dysmorphic, punching empty spaces
A bitter white cup upended, staining what is left over.

The ceiling laughed and shook its head
Sheets wadded up, an outstretched arm, sooty lashes askew
Riders coming, torches spotting and dotting between winter trees
The tiny mouse hunched over, reflected black eyes
A sweet red cup upended, staining what is left over.

(An early version. The revised complete version is called "Thirst" and appears in a self-published volume titled "Rainy Day, Art and Poetry - Hobby Style," 11/1/2019, available on Amazon).

***

Alone and Scared after a Breakup

Expansive, I'm lost, hiking boots full of wet
Nothing grows, I shrink, I deteriorate
Miles and miles of treeless plain.

I wish I was a bird, migratory, flying and diving, leaving
My parka feels like a sheet of ice hugging me
A fox scampers for the dead trees, empty-handed
I feel the same way, an outcrop pulls at me to sit down.

I'm crying now, my stomach is in a knot.
My feet are frostbit
I thought I saw something large, thought I heard growling
I stick to the outcrop, it's stable, I'm still upright.
Why did he leave me?

(An early version. The revised complete version is called "The Fox and the Swallow" and appears in a self-published volume titled "Rainy Day, Art and Poetry - Hobby Style," 11/1/2019, available on Amazon).

***

Alcoholism

Blonde ringlets dance to the sunlight's shimmer and glow
Keds and cords gain traction, hanging onto the swing as it slows
Expectantly, she raises her arms in a hopeful embrace
He stumps a cigarette into the ground, on his fifth beer, stumbling to tie her shoelace.

Doors are slamming, mommy arguing, 3 a.m., stuporous snoring
Got to get up for school, last in the bathroom, a rainy morning
Tears and curses, on her fifth rum and coke
The night and driveway are empty, smoky bars, the unhappiness twists and chokes

Thumbing the keyhole, can't find the lock, begging to be let in
Wake up, 10-years-old, have to help him down the hallway, passing out once again.

Always thought mommy was wrong, screaming and yelling
Living with his twin, the realization dawns, equal and compelling
Anger, chastisement, pity, and pain
Patterns, trapped, depressed, and afraid.

Coming full circle, my dreams diluted, uninspired, nauseatingly bucolic
Here I am, my life wasted, nowhere to go, the child of an alcoholic.