To have and to loathe

• 𝐂hapter 42

"Also," she continued, earning back my attention. "Try to remember that every pregnancy is different. Most mums don't even feel discomfort as much as you do. Just get to know your baby's own unique pattern of movements to learn what's normal for you."

She closed her clipboard and lifted her glasses to push her bangs up.

"If you have any concerns about your baby's movements, you can always discuss them with your midwife. Either bring it up at your next antenatal appointment or just give her a call if you're really concerned. She should be able to reassure you that everything's normal."

"Thank you very much." I thanked her, feeling a bit relieved that everything was fine because the more I neared my due date, the more I freaked the fuck out.

"You're most welcome." She smiled. "I'll just go ahead and check the heartbeat." She reached into a drawer and grabbed a doppler before squirting some gel on my belly and moving the microphone around for the heartbeat.

In less than a minute, the baby's heart rate pumped through the doppler, and my insides fluttered as it did every time I heard that addicting sound. It was amazing how madly in love you could be with someone even before you met them. Killian seemed to share the same sentiment because he stared at the screen like he was hypnotized.

"Heart rate is good. Everything looks great and baby measurement seems to be right on track. Do you want to know the sex?"

My head snapped back to the tech. This wasn't something I had discussed with Killian before. I turned to him. He gave me a simple shrug.

I turned back to her. "We're keeping it a surprise."

"Okay," she smiled knowingly. "I'll print the photos." She wiped away the ultrasound gel and gently pulled down my gown and I just sighed, staring at my visible bump as she worked on her computer. 

I read in one of the many pregnancy books Killian brought home every now and then that it took a while for a belly to pop with a first pregnancy but that wasn't true for me. In a span of five months, I went from having an orange size bump to a watermelon with a slight shade of brown vertical pregnancy line running down my belly. 

"I'd like to talk about my weight," I spoke, clearing my throat as she turned to me. "I've been adding a lot lately and I don't feel comfortable with the fact that I feel humongous. Is it normal?"

Killian gruffed and mumbled underneath his breath. "Maybe if you didn't eat so much junk food in the middle of the night you wouldn't feel humongous."

The tech chuckled when I shot him a nasty look. "I'll have you know that I find that a little offensive."

He leveled me a flat look. "And I find it offensive that I have to fill my fridge every single night because you eat like a glutton."

"It's tit for tat since all you do is stick your dick into me the whole time." I snapped back, and I wanted to suck the words back the moment they left my lips.

Shit. Stupid mouth.

Killian sent me a murderous glare that told me I was in trouble.

My cheeks flamed. "I'm sorry...Stupid mouth of mine."

The tech laughed, no doubt trying to clear the awkward air between us. "It's totally fine. You both are married and healthy after all." She turned her attention to me. "And you are growing a human inside you. Some changes to the external body are expected and it's totally normal to gain weight especially when you're heading to your second trimester. You'll be fine Hope." She assured me with a rub of my shoulders. "You just need to wait it out."

I managed a smile. "Thank you once again."

"You're welcome." She handed me the photos and stood to shake both our hands. When she left the room, I helped myself down from the exam table.

"I stick my dick into you all the time, huh?" Killian finally spoke, getting up from his seat.

I sighed before turning to stare at him. "It was a slip of tongue. I didn't know what I was thinking when I said that."

"Didn't seem like it."

I scoffed at that reply. "What are you honestly going to do? Punish me?"

He stared at me for the longest. "Maybe I would've If your stomach wasn't looking like it could explode in my face any minute from now."

I couldn't help the bubble of laughter that rose to my lips. "You're the worse."

His lips tilted. "That's not what you were saying last night," he reminded, urging my stomach to jump giddily at the memory of it. "It was more like oh yes, like that, don't stop, yes right there, oh, you're so deep—"

I clamped my hand over his mouth. Jesus Christ. "Killian, are you insane?"

"Maybe." The hand on his mouth muffled his words. He pulled it away and tugged me close, close enough that I could smell the heady scent of his aftershave. "Maybe I am."

"You're such an overgrown baby." I scolded, feeling a smile tug on my own lips.

"Well, this overgrown baby wants his woman." He countered, dropping a brief kiss on my lips and I smiled, convincing myself that one day I might actually be his woman, not because we were bound by the child we'd made together, but because... he loved me.