Only Angel 3 [h.s] AU

And yet we never learn

Two months.

How can a number be so small, yet feel like it's light years away? Time has always been a fickle thing, especially for me. Not a lot of things have been fair in my life but I guess that's the whole point. Unpredictability is a huge part of being alive and lessons are learned by the cosmos corrupt way of telling you better things are coming. Speak it into existence but don't be impatient is a rule I never quite seemed to follow or wanted to.

Somehow, it seemed like my life replayed itself in a loop. Meet someone, fall in love even though you know you probably shouldn't, let yourself be enamored by this incredible idea of a man, self sabotage, grieve and do it all over again. The one thing about me is I never learn my lesson. But I at least have the power to see that I am not the only one who goes through shit like this.

How self indulged and narcissistic would I be to think that, anyway?

I'm not saying no to ever falling for someone ever again, love is a beautiful thing (when in the right headspace and not under the influence) but the next time I fall in love, I have to be okay with letting others come between me and my work. That's another flaw of mine, I'm way too independent. I never thought my independence would be an issue for men, but that's the thing. I spent so much time worrying about it being an issue for them that I should've been worrying about it being an issue for me.

Independence is my worst detriment and my ego's greatest ally.

I will not self medicate with long hours in the office. I will not self medicate with long hours in the office. I will not self medicate with long hours in the office. I will not—

"For the love of God, Beau." I look up to see my sister's look of disapproval. "I will never understand how you can read in the car without feeling motion sickness, just looking at you makes me ill."

"Between your driving and your horrible horrible music taste, I don't think my reading's the issue here." I bite back with a smirk.

Cami rolls her eyes. "What are you reading anyways?"

"My entries."

"Right. That therapist really has you evaluating yourself, huh? Did you already get to the part where you have major emotional detachment issues?" She jokes and I feign a fake laugh.

"The many joys of being me, I suppose." We come to a stop and I realize we're here. I look up at the building and sigh.

"Want me to go in with you?" Cami suggests and I shake my head.

"No, I wouldn't want you to miss your flight." I say with a small smile. We both reach across the glove compartment and hug tight. After a while of this, I get out of the car and head for the elevator in the parking lot. For two months, I've been completely dreading this. It's been so long, I only hope the key still works.

I allowed myself these two months to recuperate after London, maybe I overdid it but I feel like I am in a much better state than I was then. The hallway was silent when I reached the floor and I took that as a good sign. I was relieved when I reached my hand inside the light outside the door and found the key still there.

Everything was the same as it was, furniture in its usual spot, blinds were closed and the same scent of teakwood lingered the air. I set down the key and my bag, remove my coat and head for the bedroom. An undisturbed bed mocks me, I've been on my feet for the past week, helping Cami pack and unpack the remaining of her things from my parents home.

Needless to say, I was exhausted and work hasn't been making it any easier. I go into the closet and find my stuff still there, undisturbed as well. A drawer full of my undergarments, and a dresser littered with my everyday products. Another drawer full of ties, most were the same shade of dark blue to grey's. I gently run my fingers through them, getting caught in the moment.