Finding Home || bxb

44

"He goes through people like a revolving door, just one after the other. And if he was confused about his sexuality, he probably just wanted to experiment. Honestly, it makes sense that he's bi, now that I think about it; more people for him to go through. No offence, but how do you know he won't break up with you like tomorrow, even if you have been the longest relationship he's ever had. I've always thought he viewed people as objects," she said. And that was when I knew there was no way what Roman had supposedly done was true.

"Bullshit. Your so-called friend was definitely lying. Roman has always treated me with respect and from what he's told me about his exes I know he respected them as well. I'm going to trust my boyfriend over some random girl that dropped him just like that. I mean, did you even try to talk to him? You're clearly being biphobic as well. Stay the fuck away from me, and Roman actually."

I left her with that and walked away, slamming the door as I got inside Charlie's car.

"Okay, slam the door any harder why don't you. The fuck is wrong with you?" he asked.

"Some bitch just tried to cause something," I explained telling him what happened with the girl.

"Oh... weird," was all he said as he drove away.

"You don't think Roman would actually do anything do you?" I asked incredulous.

"I don't know mate. They do say always trust the victim though..."

"The victim is fucking Roman," I said shocked at how Charlie could think such a thing. "He would literally never do that. I know he wouldn't. I mean there was a moment when I thought... but no," I said shaking the thoughts out of my head.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I mean, don't you think even a small bit of doubt means something?..."

"Do you even hear yourself right now? I had a small doubt because of what other guys had done to me not because Roman has ever done anything to me. There's no fucking way I fell in love with a guy who would ever do that," I said annoyed.

"Wait, what? You love him?" Charlie asked making me freeze. Did I just say that? "Well fuck, have you told him? I'm sorry about what I said. I just want you to be safe, you know, but if you trust him enough to have fallen for him then I believe you when you say he's innocent."

"G...good," I said still in shock.

I was in love with Roman.

I mean I knew I had been falling for ages now, and he'd told me he was falling too, but had he reached the bottom yet? Because clearly, I had.

Before, I had every intention of going to Roman's and talking to him about what Alessia had said. There was clearly some story there, because this Louis guy wouldn't have made something like that up out of thin air. But I knew it wasn't what they were saying it was and I wanted Roman to be able to speak his piece. But now, now I didn't know what to say to Roman. What if the second I saw him I just blurted it out, that I love him, and he completely freaks out. How do I usually talk to him again?

"I'm... I'm not gonna tell him that I told you what she said or that you didn't fully not believe it. It will only make things awkward between you two and he will be upset that you thought that. So, as long as you don't believe it now, let's keep this conversation between us, okay?"

"Are you sure. I feel like I should apologise or something..." Charlie said. I could tell he felt a little bad now from the look on his face.

"There's no point if by the end of it he's just going to be more upset."

"Okay."

I knew this didn't apply to me though. I had to make sure I told him everything about today, leaving our Charlie, but still. I was his boyfriend and I had to be as honest as I could be. Does that include me coming to the conclusion that I love him? I wasn't sure if it was too early to say it still.

When we got home, I spent ages pacing around my room coming up with conversations in my head of how I could explain everything. I didn't know how to say it in a way that wouldn't upset him though, and I still didn't know if I should say 'I love you' and I didn't want the 'I love you' to sound like a distraction for the stuff I told him before.

I noticed that he had messaged me a few times, but it made me nervous every time I saw a text pop up, so I didn't reply to any of them. Which was stupid because now he was going to wonder why I wasn't talking to him when he knows I'm just at home. I feel like I was making this way more complicated than it needed to be.

A few hours later I heard the doorbell ring and knew someone was at the door. I also heard someone else go open the door, so I stayed in my room still trying to figure how to talk to Roman. So, when I heard his voice behind me, it made me jump.

"Jesus!" I shouted. "You scared me. Fuck." When I turned around, Roman at my door but... he didn't look good. His eyes looked red like maybe he had been crying... "Oh, what's wrong?"

"Alessia texted me and told me she told you about what happened. And you hadn't talked to me in hours. You don't... you don't believe her, do you?" he said. Fuck. This stupid bitch was getting on my nerves.

"No! Well, I mean maybe there was a second where I wasn't completely sure but of course I don't believe her." I couldn't have chosen worse wording for it.

"So, at some level, you believed her?" His eyebrows furrowed and he looked even more hurt.

"I... baby I don't believe her."

"But... you did? For a second?"

"I... well. It doesn't matter, I don't believe her," I tried explaining.

"But you did. For a second. Fuck, Alden, I lost half my friends cos of this bullshit. It hurts that you could believe her for even a second. I try so hard to never make you feel like I could ever do something like that but... but..." Roman turned around then and walked away.

Shit, where was he going. I need to explain to him that any doubt I had was nothing to do with him and everything to do with my past experiences. I didn't know if that would work though, whether he would understand, and it made me terrified that this was going to come to an end over a misunderstanding. Or maybe he just needed space to collect himself so we could talk again, but if that space meant he wasn't happy with us then I couldn't let that happen. Sometimes all space does is create room to plant more seeds of doubt. I couldn't let that happen.

So, I went after him. He's already left my house and when I ran onto the street, I couldn't see him. Fuck, how long had I been staring at my empty doorframe thinking about whether I should go after him or not?

He must have just gone to his house though, so that should be the first place I check. The only way to get there though, by foot, was to take the road where I had been beaten up before. I hadn't had to use that road since that night. Roman or Charlie or sometimes even one of our parents... Roman's parents or my fosterparents, would give me a lift. But I didn't have time to see if anyone was free to give me a ride. Charlie had gone out to meet his friends as soon as he dropped me off home and Carrie was busy helping Emily with a project for school. Mike was at work. I had to do this on my own.

The sun set a lot later these days as we had slowly moved into spring, so it was still bright out and that gave me some sort of comfort. But life isn't like the horror movies where bad things only happen in the dark. I managed to walk that road with my heart hammering against my chest, constantly checking my surroundings to make sure Henry wasn't lurking in some corner.

When I had made it to the next turn and I wasn't on that road anymore, I felt like I was safe. Everything was okay.

But then I saw that Henry was in front of me and he didn't look happy.

~~~~~~~~~