i get overwhelmed so easily, my anxiety creeps inside of me, makes it hard to breathe, what's come over me? feels like i'm somebody else
overwhelmed ( royal and the serpent. ) ㅤ
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chapter eleven. some time alone
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"Go!"
Everything after that was simply background noise, Cheong-san shouting, the growling of zombies ── it was all getting further and further away from her, courtesy of Cheong-san who ran in the opposite direction, taking the zombies with him. She soon enough, had found a room safe for her. Them. She reminded herself, banging her head on the door.
Does she really want to save him, she can always abandon him. He put me in danger, chances are he's already been bit. My friends won't blame me. But she would, she knew, she'd blame herself.
Yijae pushed forward ── through the door and her thoughts, equipped with a weapon she ran after Cheong-san. Her safety no longer her priority. She threw aside the zombie who attacked him, before pulling him away and in the direction of the music room ── their current abode.
"Thank god." He slammed the door, Yijae crumbled to the ground, she laid their as Cheong-san checked the room for zombies, "There's a zombie here, but it can't hurt us. It's stuck." He replied, Yijae was inattentive. Through this whole experience, away from everyone, she finally evaluated.
Yijae burst into tears, surprising Cheong-san. She sobbed, shoving her mouth into her arm to muffle her cries. She hated herself, more than ever, she really did. "I'm a terrible person." She cried.
"Why would you say that?" Cheong-san pulled her up, she slumped into his shoulder for comfort. "You don't─ you don't─ get it." She spoke through her tears. "I didn't feel guilt when I pushed Isak out. When Gyeong-su fell, I didn't feel pity. I didn't care that Nayeon left, or that Gwi-nam died." She continued crying.
"I almost didn't save you, because I'm selfish and a terrible person who only cares about herself and I─" She was interrupted, "Stop!" Cheong-san interfered. "You don't get it." She tried to explain, but he didn't let her. "It doesn't matter. I know you think you're a terrible person, you're always too hard on yourself."
"You don't see yourself how we see you, you're more selfless than any of us. It doesn't matter what you think, you pushed Isak out for us, you helped me by killing Gwi-nam." He laughed, "Even when you thought of not helping me, what did you do? You helped me." He hugged her, Yijae had quieted a little.
"Others may call you a hypocrite, you might call yourself a hypocrite. But they're the real hypocrites, they don't have an ounce of bravery that you have." He continued on, "Remember what your grandmother said, it doesn't matter what you say or think in comparison to what you do. You do so much for others. I hope you see yourself the way I do." He held her hands, he patted her back. She whispered, still crying her heart out.
"Thanks."
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"So how did you know my password?" Cheong-san asked, the two had reclined by the wall. Mainly building up energy, Yijae was too weak right now and Cheong-san was tired. "It's easy, it's your password for everything and you don't really bother hiding it. Onjo's ninth birthday." She sighed, "Which I don't get why specifically her ninth birthday but yeah." She continued.
"Right. It was the day you first came." He said, "True." She simply replied. "Nevermind." He exhaled. Was Yijae always this dense, he thought. "You know, when you first came, and stayed in your house for the whole week before meeting us. Your grandma had pulled us aside?"
"What did she say?" Yijae asked, "She told Onjo and Soyang to especially take care of you, because you needed more female friends. And she said to me, that because I was the boy." He laughed at the absurdity, "Because I was the boy, I should always protect you. I think she was just trying to get to my ego. It worked." He looked at her.
"Well that's grandma for you. Thank you Cheong-san, for just everything." She murmured, smiling, she looked down. She didn't know how long the two had been alone ── and how long they would be alone.
"Should we plan our journey back?" She questioned, "In some time." He drew out, he laid down. Yijae followed him, "Remember when we all went star gazing." She reminisced, smiling. "When we were still whole." He yearned for his lost friends.
"Yeah, oh do you remember the carnival we went to, Gyeong-su puked his guts out." Yijae laughed, "When he was still human." Cheong-san retorted.
Yijae stopped bringing up good memories after that, it was all in vain. The thumping from the piano made the two spring up, "Should we check on it?" Yijae asked, "Forget it." Cheong-san pulled her back down.
"Are you okay now?" Cheong-san asked her, "Yeah I am." She wasn't totally lying, she did feel a little better but it didn't mean she suddenly loved herself, that would be a long journey. "You're not selfish, not one bit."
"Uh mic test, one two one two. Cheong-san, are you there?" Daesu's voice made the two shoot up again. "What are you doing?" Suhyeok interjected. "Cheong-san, Yijae, do you hear us?" Suhyeok asked, "It's Suhyeok. We'll come to you, so stay put. Got it?"
"Don't come, moron. You're gonna get bit." Cheong-san deadpanned at their stupidity, "I know what you'll say, but we can't hear you here. So don't to anywhere and wait for us. Yijae keep him in check. You really can't─"
"Yijae, I swear you're dead once I find you. You're the biggest traitor ever, I really will kill you. Why did you leave me!" Soyang cried and whined, "Yijae, we're coming for you." Suhyeok intervened. "In the meantime, if you're in danger just sacrifice Cheong-san." They finished.
"See, we all care for you. They wouldn't be coming for us if they didn't." Cheong-san confirmed, Yijae didn't argue, she could but she didn't, she could pretend Cheong-san was right for her own peace of mind. "Cheong-san, please stay still." Onjo pleaded, "I know you never listen to me, but please do it this time." Cheong-san stared at the speaker.
"Protect Yijae!" Soyang cut in again, "I'll kill you, you rodent looking jerk, you're the reason she went─ if anything happened to her." Soyang threatened. Cheong-san didn't react, probably thinking about Onjo. Typical, Yijae thought, she wondered why she still liked him so desperately knowing he'd never reciprocate.
"They'll be here for us. Until then─"
"Until then I'll protect you." He smiled, his usual smile. The one she'd fallen for and still swooned at, the reason she still liked him knowing he'd never reciprocate her love, the smile that made her act pathetic and act stupid. She was screwed.
Always was, always is and always will be.
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[ author's note: hiii so um yeah ooo i thought some fluff would be nice, how do you like the story so far ]
