weakness • negan x reader

Chapter Eight

Kourtney was so distraught, I didn't even know what to do. I seemed to have forgotten how to comfort people. Twenty minutes later we were still sitting on the ground, unable to get a clear thought. "We should go.", I said. "They'll be wondering where we are."

"Nova, can you just stop?", Kourtney cried out. "Who cares about that? I'm sick of them.", she continued. "Don't say that.", I said. "They're the reason we're still here." "God, do you seriously believe that? These people are awful!" Kourtney looked at me like she just saw me for the first time.

"I don't want to fight with you right now.", I said calmly. Kourtney looked at me. "I'm sorry.", she said and pulled me into a hug. "I am too. It's okay.",

"Let's just run.", Kourtney said. "What?", I said perplexedly and let her go. "Run away. We don't have to go back there." I understood what she wanted but at the same time I couldn't show that.

"Kourt, they'll notice. They'll come look for us. Besides, where should we go? The Sanctuary is the safest place we could ever be at right now." "And the worst one at the same time.", Kourtney added. I knew what she meant.

I thought about what I said next. "I can help you get away. If you really want to." Kourtney looked at me with teary eyes. "And what about you?"

"I'll stay at the Sanctuary.", I concluded. "I won't go without you.", Kourtney said immediately.

I sighed. "Kourt, don't put me in that position. It's your decision to make if you wanna go. I made mine. This chance of leaving, you won't have it again. So decide."

"But I don't want us to split up.", she said. "We lost our brother, I don't want to lose you too." "Then you'll have to stay at the Sanctuary.", I said stiffly and started covering Tony's grave with mud.

"This is-", Kourtney began, but a sound out of the radio I had put into my belt interrupted her. It was Negan's voice. "This is probably the shittiest moment possible, I know, but Danielle's amniotic sac has burst. If a certain medical student doesn't have anything better to do, the Doc needs every help he can get."

"Shit." I pulled out the walkie talkie. "On my way.", I said and started heading back to the truck. I turned around to Kourtney who was still sitting on the ground. "Are you coming?", I asked. She seemed to gather herself, then nodded and got up too.

We jogged back to Laura and Xyla as fast as we could, they already got the truck ready to drive. On the way back to the Sanctuary we ran over a few walkers, but we didn't care. Even Xyla seemed excited, I didn't even know she could show emotions until now.

I got off the truck before it had stopped and ran to the infirmary, but when I arrived, it was already too late. My excitement turned into panic and despair. The baby, Gracie, made it, but Danielle didn't. "Hypertension.", Dr Carson commented and covered the body.

His hands and upper body were covered in blood. "Could you take her to her father Justin?" I nodded, took the newborn into my arms and I tumbled towards the door. Six people were standing in front of it.

I hadn't noticed them when I arrived, I was in such a rush. Justin came towards me and looked at his daughter, who was sleeping peacefully. "Danielle?", he asked, even though he probably already knew the answer. I shook my head.

Wordlessly, Justin entered the infirmary to see his wife one last time. The other people that had waited were Dwight, Simon, Laura, Xyla and... Negan. Of course. I tried to avoid meeting glances with him and looked at Gracie. She was such a beautiful baby.

Justin came out of the infirmary again, his face was emotionless. "I need to be alone.", he said and walked away, leaving me with his daughter. Everyone else slowly left too and the only people left were me, Gracie and Negan.

"Nova. Can we talk?", Negan said. It didn't sound like a question, more like a request, so I couldn't really say no. I followed him to a place that seemed to be a living room. A handful of women were sitting there, talking and drinking.

Tina was under them, so I figured they were all his wives. "Frankie.", Negan said. "Could you take care of Justin's daughter for a while?" She nodded and carefully took Gracie into her arms. "Follow me.", Negan said and led me to something that seemed to be a meeting room with a big table in the middle. He took a seat at the end of it. I sat down as well, but as far away from him as possible.

He looked at me for some moments before speaking. "How are you?" I shrugged, "Alright." Negan scoffed. "Alright.", he repeated. "You're definitely not. Look, I'm worried about you."

I didn't know what to say and lowered my gaze to the bat that was resting in his hands. He was worried about me? That sounded... sweet but also disturbing at the same time.

"Hey.", Negan said. "You don't have to talk to me, but talk to someone. We don't have something like a therapist here and I don't want you to end up dead too."

"I won't. kill myself, if that's what you're thinking.", I just said without looking at him. "Shit, is Lucille distracting you or are you always like that?", Negan asked.

"Lucille?" That finally made me stop squinting. "Who's Lucille?" I looked around, but there was no one but Negan and me in this room. Negan raised his hand that was holding the bat and waved it. "You gave your baseball bat a name?", I said and immediately regretted it, but Negan didn't care.

"Damn right I did.", he answered. "Why?", I asked. No one probably asked him that question before, because he avoided answering it. "We're supposed to talk about you. Not me. Not today, at least."

I sighed. "What do you want to know?" Negan smirked. "I feel like we've had that conversation before. Anyways, it's just, I want to get to know you, because I don't know if I can trust you yet."

"Trust me? Why shouldn't you trust me?", I asked back a bit too fast. "Oh, someone's offended.", Negan grinned and put his feet up. "I want to be open with my people." "I have nothing to hide.", I said. "Someone who's not hiding something doesn't have to say that.", Negan countered.

Shit. I needed to get Negan to trust me. For Tina's sake. And for my own. "Okay, you want the truth?", I asked. Negan raised his eyebrows expectantly. "Spill." I took a deep breath. "I'm not sure if being here is the right thing. For me and my sister. You're criminals."

Negan chuckled. "Darling, there aren't any cops around here anymore to tell us what's right and wrong. We're not only saving people, we are changing the world, creating a new one. And in that one, we get to decide what's illegal or not."

I didn't know what to answer. "Still, I'm not forcing people to stay here. If you want to go, you can go.", he continued. Was he testing me? Something told me that he was suspecting something. "I'm not leaving.", I said truthfully.

"That's good to know.", Negan said, "But do you want to?" "I don't think anyone wants to be here.", I retorted. What has gotten into me? "Damn.", Negan said without a wince.

My heart started pounding. I inhaled to say something, to talk me out of what I just said, but Negan kept going. "You're probably right. Not just probably, you are right. I know that being here isn't a piece of cake, yet, the people are still here. You know why? Because they need this. The place, the people, the supplies, the safety."

He was right. This place was perfect. "You know that the people aren't leaving because they're too scared." Did I have some kind of death wish? The words were just coming out of me. I couldn't control it-