To have and to loathe

• 𝐂hapter 41

"You know Jay Ives?" He was like the owner of one of the biggest marketing companies in California.

"Yes I do and he's willing to take you under internship until the baby is born."

My head twitched. I blinked at him rapidly. "What?"

"You were right," he cleared his throat. "I shouldn't have taken the autonomous decision to stop you from working but I also don't want you working at that diner so I called in a few favors."

My mind riled.

A real job? Working with one of the biggest agencies? Tears filled my eyes and fell down my cheek. First the books and now this. My emotions rushed through me and I found myself sobbing.

Killian frowned. "What's wrong. Don't you like it?"

I shook my head and sniffed. "I do—I do, it's just, why are you doing all this for me? You don't—you don't even—" I sniffed. "You don't even like me. I don't understand. I can't pay you back, Killian."

"I never asked you to pay back." He neared me and wiped my tears with the back of his hand. "Now stop crying because it's getting pretty awkward."

Something rippled in my chest. My heart pounded so hard I could feel my sternum shaking with each beat. And I didn't know if it was the hormones or the relief I felt but I set the bag down on the couch and pulled him into a hug.

His body stiffened, both hands stilled by his side, at first I was flushed with humiliation and inhibition. This was the first time I'd dared to hug him and I was scared he was going to push me away but he didn't. To my utter astonishment, his arm came around me and he gathered me into a hug, burying his face in my hair as his pulse slowed underneath his shirt and for a few long seconds, we stayed that way, only separated by the loud buzzing of his phone.

He withdrew his arm quickly and pulled away from me. "I need to get this." His eyes were on anywhere else but on me; like he knew if he looked at me at this moment, he would lose it. He didn't want to break, his tensed face gave that much away but I didn't care, and I sure as hell didn't think of the repercussions when I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him.

At first, he froze, his phone suddenly dropping from his hand. But then, Instant lightning bolts of desire sparked out of nowhere.

I kissed him and he kissed me back, making my stomach muscles flex. And with one last nibble, he pulled away, leaving me breathless; giving me time to regulate my breathing, calm the rush of my blood, to restore my usual functional state and I wanted to tell him this was a mistake, but the moment he pulled me to his chest and claimed my lips again, I lost it.

"Fucking hell, Hope." He groaned, kissing me with fervor, his hands running down my back, gripping my hip. "You'll kill me at this rate."

His words were my undoing. I pulled away from his lips, catching my breath. "Take me to your room." I had shamelessly said it. I no longer wanted to deny myself. My hormones craved sex and not just sex, they craved sex with this man.

"You want to go against the doctor's orders?" His voice was thick with arousal.

I paused and looked up, knowing from the sound of his voice that he was fighting with his desire. "The doctor isn't here, is he?"

His eyes darkened as he pushed a tangled hair off my face. "Swear to God, you're going to be the death of me."

"What a death it would be." I chuckled and took his hands, excitement bubbling in my chest as I pulled him with me up the stairs to his room and the moment we were inside, he backed me up against the door, tilted my chin, and with a low rumbling growl, he kissed me, commanding my lips apart, tasting, absorbing, devouring—a perfect mix of lust and devotion.