What if i told you i love you?

Twenty

Leila's was great..well, for the first twenty minutes.

After that, my social battery died. The girls were singing and dancing in the middle of the room while i was sat in the corner of the room, on a couch.

All i could think about was the wounds i have and the baggage i carry with me.

I have a really heavy heart, whether i want to admit it or not.

I'm emotionally broken and it sucks to admit it but i am.

It was Jana who came over to me. She came over just as the first tears were about to fall from my eyes, but as she came over i pulled it together and didn't let them fall. Jana, like everyone in the team, knows me very well and she knew something was wrong.

"Are you okay?"
She asked carefully as she didn't want to upset me.

"I'm doing okay, how are you?"
I lied and she knew it.

"I'm good. Come on, Emi. What's going on?"
I looked at Jana and just shook my head.

I hate being weak.

"I'll get Ale"
And with that being said Jana left and a few seconds later Alexia came over.

Alexia didn't say anything at first, she just sat down and pulled me onto her lap before she wrapped her arms tightly around me, making me feel safe.

"I've got you"
She whispered into my ear, giving me a sense of comfort.

I just cuddled into her for a few minutes before i couldn't hold it anymore and i broke down in her arms. Thankfully due to the loud music no one heard me but Alexia who tightened her grip on me and kissed my head multiple times.

"It's okay to cry"
She whispered.

"I'm trying. I'm trying really hard but i can't pretend it doesn't hurt when it really does"
I said quietly to Alexia.

"Talk to me, Emi. I'll always be here for you"

"I have a lot of baggage and wounds that i'm scared will never heal"
I admitted.

"Everyone has wounds, some deeper than others. You have deep wounds from your past that may never go away, your right. But soon the good times will weaken those wounds, even just a little bit. Being young isn't easy, i've been there, but i did get through it and so will you because you, Emi, you're twice as strong as i am. However long it may take, i'll be here"

"I don't know what's happening to me, Ale. I'm so happy here, i'm living my dream in a club i love, with people i love and i actually feel loved, safe and wanted. So why do i feel like this?"
I asked emotionally.

"I can't answer that question, but from what you've told me, your childhood was far from easy. I don't know what i would do if i had to grow up without the support or love of my parents, i honestly don't know how i would do it, but you did it and you did because you're so unbelievably strong. Growing up without the thing so many people grow up with must have been so hard, and honestly it was always going to come back and hurt you and that's because you pushed that hurt aside for so long. You won't feel like this forever, i can promise you that"
I didn't respond, i just held Alexia even tighter.

"I'll get Mapi, okay?"
Alexia said and i nodded. Alexia gently lifted me off of her and placed me back on the couch, leaving a kiss on my head before leaving to find Mapi.

After a couple of minutes Mapi came over and pulled me into her arms. As soon as she wrapped her arms around me i broke down again.

"Loving me must be so fucking hard and i'm so sorry"
I cried into Mapi's neck.