It was now night and I was locking up the house and closing in the windows. The girls came out after an hour. Brie an Kelly talked about clothes and other girlie crap. I was closing a window downstairs and looked up at the balcony upstairs and saw Brie sitting there, looking up at the sky, Lost in thought. I smiled and pulled back the curtain after I was done.
I knocked on her door when I got to her room. "Come in!" She answered and I can tell she hasn't left from the balcony. I turn the nob and poked my head in seeing that I was right. I then walked in and close the door behind me, joining her on the balcony.
"Hi" I gestured sitting besides her.
"Hey" she smiled looking at me.
"Crazy day huh?"
"Crazy is only a small way to describe it."
She cast her eyes up at the stars again. I studied her words and realized there is so much truth in them. Crazy was not the best word for it but it was one word of many parts of it. She then look down at her lap and played with her fingers. She use to do that all the time when she was thinking.
"Then how would you explain it as?" I want to know.
"Best word for it is emotional. I'm still going through so much emotions right now. I'm happy, I'm sad, I feel like shit, I feel guilty, I'm proud, I'm confuse, I'm in shock, I'm mad, I'm bewildered," she looked at me then back at her fingers. "I won't change a thing. It was faith way of telling me it was time. If I didn't run into you two God knows when I'd be ready to face you?" She let a tear fall from her eyes.
I took the time to process each and every word and I feel most of what she is feeling. I'm feeling guilty too. Guilty that couldn't even persuade my own wife and child mother to stay. I'm mad at myself for not seeing the signs. For being so disregarding of everything. If I listened more and tried more wouldn't things have been different? I bit my lips thinking about if I was more observant how things would have been.
"What are you thinking about?" She shook me out of my thoughts. I smiled at her. She always know when I'm thinking about something. Only her know how to do that because no one else can tell......only Monique who is catching on. Like I said many times, Moni is everything like Brianna. "I was thinking about if I was more observant back then how things would have been? It would have better won't it?" She shook her head and rest her hand on my back sending me a sympathetic glance. "No, it would have been the same. You had no part to play in what I did." She tried to cheer me up but once you start blaming yourself it's kind of hard to stop. Especially with such simple words with no explanation behind it.
"Then what cause you to run away?" I need to know.
"I can't-"
"Brie please. I have waited long enough. You at least owe it to me to tell the reason why you left out of the blue and haven't contact us since."
She looked at me then down at tree and the driveway, she bit her lips whilst wiping away fresh tears. I don't want to hurt her like this but I can't wait any longer to find out. She closed her eyes and took a few intakes of air and breathe it out afterwards, to calm her nerves. She looked away from me and began to talk.
"It wasn't anything you did. You were great an perfect. Still seems to be. But what people said got to me. When everyone said I'd make a horrible wife and you deserved so much better. You had faith in me and I marry you. I was beyond happy with you. You made me feel like a great wife. But when people say such nasty things to you it is hard to let go and feel good about yourself but I was learning to. Then I came and get pregnant with Monique and I had already loved her a whole lot. But people start bad talking. This time, ten times worse, saying I'd be a horrible mother and I'm going to ruin my child. When you love something the last thing you want to do is ruin it. The words started to get to me. It was around the time when we had that big argument and you told me how I should stop be so self centered. Yeah, that did it for me. I wouldn't want to raise a child that I will ruin. So I stop be so self centered and left. I didn't get in contact with you after that because why would you need to hear me? I'd ruin your day. I didn't want to be like that even though I wanted to hear your voice and see my daughter I couldn't have been selfish."
