Review Shop

Review: Vice Admiral's Love

Reviewer: Zo

Author: MoonchildNia

Before I get onto the review, a little note; I tend to be extremely harsh or critical, so I hope that none of my words offend you in any way and that you use them to better your story. Okay, let's go.

My first impression of the story was mostly confused because the book cover has no text nor a face claim; it's just a simple picture of the sea, I presume since the sea is the key part of the story idea. The title was simple, and after reading the story, it was just way too simple and basic, because it is exactly what it is; a vice admiral's love, and it's too simple to attract people to read the story.

The blurb is also quite simple, but I liked it, because it was deep. But, a blurb would require something more than just two lines, something that describes or summarises the story without actually spoiling any details about the story and plot. Something that would prepares the readers about what they're gonna read, and make them feel excited about reading your story.

Entering the story itself, I don't think it was fully sensible, because they met hardly twice, and they started falling in love out of nowhere, and even started kissing? They were practically strangers, who just stared into each others' eyes and felt their heartbeats sync and fell in love? I'm really sorry, but even on wattpad, that makes no sense, and is just too unreal.

I would've liked if the author had made them meet more and talk and interact before they slowly fell in love. In fact, in the story, they introduced themselves to each other after kissing and hugging lovingly. That was just too hard to believe, because why would anyone randomly kiss a handsome stranger who stares into your eyes?

Other than the unrealistic way of them falling in 'love', at times I felt as if the author has simply added unnecessary details, just to make the chapters filled with words, because they weren't needed there at all. It was mostly in the second chapter, where the female lead was introduced. I would suggest removing details that have no relation to the story and instead subtly adding more details about the female lead and about the story in general.

The grammar needs lots of work. The tenses are all over the place, so I would suggest proofreading the story, and sticking to one tense and one pov, instead of switching continuously, which is very confusing to the readers. Second, commas are missing in so many places. In fact, there's so many missing, that at one point I read a line and went, "omg what did I just read—" because I didn't understand anything, due to the lack of commas.

The dialogues in the story are incorrect. The author has formatted them in the following way,

<dialogue dialogue dialogue.

she said.>

there's basically no quotation marks, and punctuation marks are seldom present. So, I would suggest fixing that right away. Also, the sentences are randomly italicised, and that's confusing, because they aren't needed at all. The dots used are called ellipsis <...> and their universal value is three, nothing more, nothing less. The author has used two dots as ellipsis, and that wrong too.

Pictures are added in between the story, mostly to depict the outfit of the female lead, and I don't really like that, because not only do they distract the readers from the story, it's also very unprofessional. Instead of just adding a picture of the dress, describing it with words, using the picture as reference would be better, since that's what real story-writers should do; use their words to describe everything in their story, and not depend on pictures.

A few words in the story are incorrectly spelled, such as "euphoriac". There's no such word as 'euphoriac'. I believe the right word you're looking for would be 'euphoric'. Other such mistakes are made. Hiring an editor to edit your story would be good, so that they can rectify your errors.

There are some things in the story that don't make sense, and all the errors that I pointed out above. But, if we were to ignore all that, I'd say that the story has potential to be a better one, because there are a few lines in the story that are poetic and nice, so fix all the errors, and your story would be nice. Hwaiting!

If you have any questions, feel free to ask the reviewer yourself or tag MochiSaysLachimolala in a comment here --->