From the perfect start

Chapter 1- Feeling free

But isn't that exactly what I want?

I want to be free and spend my time with a person that makes me feel so alive there isn't a second where I have to doubt myself. I want to run through fields with them till I am coughing because my stamina couldn't be worse and dance in the kitchen at midnight till my feet hurt so bad I just want to sink them into my soft bedsheets.

I want someone to help me find myself and at the same time show me who I was.

I want the all-consuming type of love that makes me want to kiss them till I can't breathe anymore. I want to yell my lungs out to our favorite song and hold a pillow to my face when I can't stop myself from laughing because I am so full of joy every muscle in my face hurts.

I mean... I am loved.

And I love it.

I have two best friends that make my heart beat just for them and light up every day no matter how dark it is. I have a bond with them that I am sure is stronger than everything else in this world.

Antonia, my older sister maybe annoys me sometimes but still can put a smile on my face.

I have Dorian, a man I have known since childhood that is like a brother to me and even though I haven't seen him in months he helped me through dark times.

On some nights I lie on my bed and I feel like the villain in everyone else's story because how can I be so ungrateful?

I have so much love in my life-I receive it and I give it but sometimes...

Sometimes a world full of people is just not enough to not feel lonely.

And that's probably the reason why I am here in New York, a city full of human beings scarred from the past, trying to find themselves and souls that aren't even touched by any evil.

I will probably think way differently a year from now, considering I have only been here for a few weeks and maybe after a while I hate it here but for years I knew I would need this.

I am away from my parents, people that ripped my heart out of my body with just one look, and this every day, 365 days a year only to heal it and do it all over again.

I can finally study something that I truly love and I am on my way to healing.

I am healing from things I didn't even know were my entire childhood eating me out from the inside, causing damage I didn't think could be done by people that were supposed to love me more than anything.

I am not fine.

I am not fine at all but I am here and someday...

Maybe someday I will wake up and everything will be a little bit better.

And maybe one day I will understand myself and start to live instead of just surviving.

"Aleandra fucking Raven!? Where the hell is my black dress?" I hear my best friend yelling as she storms into my room.

Emmabell Kendrick.

My best friend since she walked into my piano lesson 7 years ago greeting me with the biggest smile ever because she knew me from PE.

The funny thing is I couldn't remember her name but I acted like I did because otherwise, it would have been awkward. Then our piano teacher suggested we should play together and well we did. Weeks later we realized that we aren't going to have any friends when we start high school so we didn't really have a choice but start being friends.

And then one day I looked at her and realized she is the person I need with me for the rest of my life.

At first, we seem like we were alike but honestly, we couldn't be any different and that's ok.