To have and to loathe

• 𝐂hapter 39

"I'll have to," I said, my voice softer than I'd thought it would be. "This" I waved my hand between us. "Isn't going to work. You know it. I know it and the contract said-"

"I know what the damn contract says," he cut me again, allowing his fingers sink into his hair as he took a deep breath in and then sighed it out. "But things are different."

All the fight left in me. My arms fell to my side. "How?"

"Because the more fucking time I spend with your crazy ass, the less I want the contract to dissolve."

I blinked, stunned. I blinked again, letting his words along with the shock register.

"Look I don't want you getting the wrong idea." He added, quickly, noticing my state of confusion. "I just-it's just, complicated."

"What's complicated? Your feelings for me?" I didn't know why I'd asked that, I didn't know what was wrong with me. I came in here fuming with rage enough to kill him but now my chest was so tight that I was being suffocated by my own emotions.

"Tell me, Killian."

He shook his head and when he looked back up at me, his eyes were dark; like he had suddenly remembered who he was. "Forget about it." He instructed, all hint of emotion on his face gone. There was no way at all to deduce what he was thinking and it broke my heart that I might have lost my only chance." You were right, I'm a sick freak and I went too far. I'll sort things out. You should go home now. The driver will take you."

My stomach tightened. He was locking me out again. "Killian, you-"

"Forget what I said." He cut me, just about when Cleo knocked on the door.

"Mr. Fobster?"

He cleared his throat, pulling himself together. "Yes, Cleo?"

"The hospital called. Your grandfather had another attack."

"Get my car ready." He told her, walking back to his table and ignoring me like he'd forgotten about everything that just happened.

"I'll come with you."

"You don't have to. Go home."

I shook my head. "I will."

"Suit yourself."

I was nervous the entire ride to the hospital and the fact that Killian hadn't spoken to me since we got in the car didn't help in calming my nerves.

I couldn't blame him though. The worry in his eyes was evident as he kept staring blankly ahead and fiddling with his Rolex.

I opened the window a few inches to let the rush of air in. At this point, I didn't know what to say. I had never met his grandfather before and he rarely spoke about his family so this was all new to me. "He's going to be okay." I tried comforting him and it didn't seem to make much difference because he only nodded at me and continued to stare blankly.

I sank deeper into the soft leather seat and lowered the window another few inches, wanting the wind to blow away the awkwardness between us.

It took thirty more silent minutes for the car to come to a stop at the parking lot and the moment it did, Killian dashed out, leaving me running after him.

The elevator ride was extremely nerve-wracking and the antiseptic smell of the hospital brought back painful memories that made me sick to my stomach.