EUPHORIA - My Moon and Stars..

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Rue's narration but she isn't actually aware this is happening it's like how she narrates episodes in general, THERE IS MENTIONS OF SA AND R*PE SO HEADS UP 💔 I'm trying to make this as 'realistic' as possible idk but enjoy sweets i love you all!

"you feelin okay sweetheart?" a bald, scruffy guy in a wife beater, asked Maya. She barely knew what was going on as she slid her finger around her arm where the tiny scabs were from all the needles that had been jammed in her arm.

"oh you're hungry?" he chuckled darkly as he grabbed the strap to wrap around Maya's arm. She closed her eyes, painfully unaware of her surroundings and drugged up. She hummed in bliss as she took herself to her happy place mentally.

She had marks and bruises all over her arms, these people were fucking ruthless. They had no intention of letting Maya off nicely, not only did they drug her up but they took advantage of her in every way they possibly could.

One day when no one was home Maya woke up chained to a bed. She was still feeling out of it but not enough for her to misunderstand what was going on. She felt her throat close up as she saw her reflection through a half shattered mirror on the floor. Her hair knotted to the root, her face bruised and her eyes swollen as if she'd been asleep for days. Her arms were the worst though.

She had tiny marks covering her entire arms, marks where a dirty needle had been stabbed into her veins. She felt tears burn her eyes, her stomach turning at the sight of herself. She felt sick to her stomach as she looked away. Unable to look at herself anymore.

Before she could even plan an escape she felt a hunger deep inside her gut that she had felt plenty of times with plenty of different drugs. A need for it. An exceptionally difficult thirst that she couldn't control. Her eyes scanned the room hungrily for something.. anything for her to get her high. Her mind was locked and focused solely on reaching that high, the high where she could go into her happy place.

A place she'd created in her mind anytime a stranger found his way between her legs without her consent, anytime she felt them tighten the strap around her arm and insert a needle into her. Because they all thought Maya didn't understand or realise what was going on when in reality... she was more than aware. She had visited the 5 stages of grief already. Anger, denial, depression, bargaining and acceptance.

She had fought the men plenty of times, anger consuming her as she'd throw her leg into their crotch and scream obscenities at them. But they almost always overpowered her. And when they didn't, they'd spit at her, they'd invite friends the next time they'd pay her a visit. And she began fearing those days more than anything. The days she'd hear two voices around her rather than one,

Denial was probably her worst stage. She couldn't fathom that her mom was probably assuming she had ran away. She couldn't fathom that Laurie would do this. An ex teacher, she understood that in the drug universe there was no pity or empathy. But she did think there was some form of humanity in Laurie. When they first met she was terrified but she found herself feeling hopeful. Laurie was a woman, yes drugs were her income but rape? Rape and assault wasn't her income? If she knew what they were doing she would help. She was in denial about the fact that she had let herself get taken. She was in denial that all of it was real. Because she refused to believe that it had come to this.

By the time the depression stage approached Maya she was an entirely different person. Sunken in eyes, sucked in cheekbones and frail lips. Her entire body had become extremely fragile and she found herself struggling to even move her arm. Depression hit her like a fucking truck. She wanted to die. Death wouldn't hurt nearly as bad as what she was being put through. Death would take away all her pain, all the suffering. Death would take her before she would see everyone again. Because as fucked up as it sounds, Maya didn't want to be found anymore. The thought of anyone seeing her in the state she was in frightened her, she thought they'd be disgusted. She couldn't bare the thought of seeing Elliot and not being able to trust in him ever again because this had solidified one thing for Maya. And that was that she would never ever trust a man, ever again. Not after being violated in the way she had.

Bargaining made Maya desperate, she pleaded any chance she got. Even if she was strapped up and already high she would feel herself begging them, at their mercy. She would whisper to them "please. I'll do anything." The first time she asked, a man called Theo promised her he'd help her. He stroked her hair and though she felt sick at the feeling she smiled for the first time because his eyes showed nothing but honesty. At least that's what she thought. She was wrong. He fucked her while she was asleep and left. He never came back again.

Acceptance had accompanied her right as she felt herself lose all hope. She knew there was barely a chance of her getting out. So she accepted it. But she hoped and prayed that one day they would forget to check the dosage and she'd overdose and die. It was a morbid thought but she wanted nothing more than to be done. That was when she created her happy place. Anytime a man touched her she'd imagine Elliot singing to her. She'd remember how I  would ride on the back of her bike and bury my head in her neck. She'd remember Maddie doing her makeup and telling her she'sbeautiful. She'd feel Kat's hug as he'd enter her. She'd imagine the pain was from being on her bike all day and riding around to the beach the way her and Lexi did when they were kids.

She'd pretend the marks on her arm were from when Elliot taught her the chords of his favourite song and drew along her arm. She pretended the smell of drugs and sex was actually the smell of her Mom's pancakes. Because that's all she could do. Pretend. And her soul craved Elliot in every way a soul does crave another being. She rarely cried. She felt emotionless. But really her heart felt physically immobile. She was completely and utterly consumed by addiction and she felt blind searching for a path out. So she accepted it. She accepted that she'd never see her closest friends or the idiotic boy she'd fell in love with. And she would never, see her mom again.