Chapter 6

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I spent the five days following the accident confined to the Brown household. Though it was mostly my doing, I really didn't want to face people after my meltdown at the parking lot. After all, I wasn't the one that almost got hit by a minivan, so when people came and asked Miss Jennifer what my problem was, I couldn't really blame them, this was a small town and at the moment there seemed to be only two topics of conversation. And both had to do with the accident.

Miss Jennifer stayed at the house with me the first day after the accident, partly because of my mom's request, but mostly due to genuine concern. But after the 24 hour observation period they imposed, I managed to convince them that I'd be fine on my own. So long as no life threatening events occurred out of nowhere.

I wasn't completely alone, because Alice and Jasper came to visit every day, even on the weekend. And after their help during my episode, I couldn't tell them to leave. On Wednesday they helped miss Jennifer and i make dinner. On Thursday Jasper helped me study for geography after refusing to tell me what had been on the test while Alice reorganized my room for fun. And on Friday Alice rented what appeared to be an entire blockbuster for us to watch.

Despite their kind words and their determination to act like nothing happened, I knew they had questions. They just didn't want to pry. Sometimes when he thought I wasn't looking, I could see Jasper starting with a puzzled expression, like there was something about me he was trying to figure out. And Alice was treating this like a sick leave, like I caught a cold or something. She dodged questions about what people thought and stirred the conversation away whenever I asked. But I knew they wanted to know, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to tell them everything about me yet.

But I supposed I could tell her the clinical stuff.

I decided to bring it up on Friday, after we finished the third movie of the day.

"I have hallucinations" I just ripped off the band aid.

They both became still as statues, shared a look and focused their attention on me. I took this as a sign to keep going.

"They think it might be schizophrenia, but no medicine has worked so far. So it might be a trauma response" I kept my voice as level as always, after all, this wasn't anything personal. This was an official diagnosis from a doctor.

Alice nodded. "We thought it was something like that, but we didn't-"

"You didn't wanna pry, I know." I stopped her mid sentence. If i stopped talking now I'd lose my nerve and stop all together. "And your not, I'm telling you because after Tuesday I think you both deserve to know"

Jasper gently grabbed Alice's elbow and sat her down next to him. "Keep goin', we're listenin'"

"They just happen sometimes, and I don't really know why" I took a deep breath to try and keep my voice from breaking. "And i can usually handle myself better, because i know they aren't real, pero this time I couldn't tell the difference. Everyone was screaming, and I thought Bella was- you know. And the doctor said it was normal because it was a super stressful situation, but I swear I can usually deal with it. It's just that-" I was rambling. Everything just kept pouring out of me, I didn't want to hear their response. This could be too much for people, it could be too much for them. And I found myself scared that they would just walk away. That the two people I was close to in this town would decide, just like people back home, that this was too much.

A cold hand on mine stopped my rambling. I didn't want to break down like this but all the stress from Tuesday had boiled over.

"Hey" Jaspers voice was soft, "Its okay"

"No it's not!" I could feel the familiar sting of tears "I should've handled it better, I deal with it all the time! I should know by now!" I was raising my voice now, "I embarrassed you in front of everyone and-"

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