Unforgiven (Azula's Atonement)

Confrontation

Zuko let out a tired sigh. He slowly noticed his sister's downward and averted gaze. She was trying to hide something, he realized. It wouldn't be the first time he had to force her to admit to something that pained or shamed her. He thought and hoped he knew everything already, so there likely must be something new. Thus he decided to change strategies and speak more softly, almost pleading:

„I just don't understand, you worked so long and so hard, really hard. You haven't refused any medication, no matter the side effects, you cooperate fully with the councilor and the therapist, you never talk back to or disobey a guard, you don't get in trouble with the other prisoners, you meditate, read, write, paint, you even learned how to clean, cook, wash and work in a garden. For years! The amount of pride you must have swallowed could have choked lesser people to death. You really mean to tell me you haven't changed or improved at all? I'm sorry, out of all the lies you ever told me I find this one of the least convincing ones. Try again."

She glanced up to him, looked him directly in the eyes and spoke half the truth:

„I did it for you."

„How in the name of the gods could throwing away your first real chance for freedom possibly benefit me?"

„You really haven't thought this through, have you Zuko?"

„What do you mean?"

„Let me spell it out for you dum-dum. Lets say by some miracle the Avatar and the rest of the board decide I've been punished enough and should be given a chance. What if I end up in a situation where my worst impulses are tempted, where the monster inside me just screams to be let out, and I fail to resist it? It might not happen right away, maybe years from now. What if I hurt somebody, seriously hurt somebody, maybe even cause their death? I know capital punishment isn't a thing anymore but at the very least you would have no other choice but to lock me up again and throw away the key for good. All these years you spent caring for me, supporting me, holding out hope for me, would be for naught. I know you enough now to know you would be devastated, mom even more so. Worse yet, you would look foolish and your judgment would be questioned by all on other matters too. As far as I'm concerned, I'm doing you a favor."

Zuko's surprise was evident. Was it really possible that after all these long years of building trust, she didn't trust herself? He said:

„What makes you say that?"

Azula's expression changed and she spoke with confidence, it was now her turn to chide:

„I still have eyes and ears and something that passes for a brain. Mom was right, people tell you a lot when you at least pretend that you listen and care. You might not have paid much attention to the other prisoners here but I have. Luyan Prison might have one of the lowest recidivism rates anywhere but that doesn't mean people don't end up back. Life outside is messy, without something to replace the structure they have here people struggle, some even fall apart."

„You're not seriously telling me you're enjoying it here?"

„Of course not Zuzu, this is prison, this is punishment, and I'm reminded of it every day."

„So what is the issue Azula? I see you are trying to make a point, please get to it."

„The point is that I didn't expect it! How was I supposed to feel about it? I've spent 15 years at the very top of society, then 10 years at the very bottom. Did you really expect I would suddenly, magically know how to live a „normal" life somewhere in the middle, with the whole world watching my every step, just waiting when I would slip?"

Her brother's anger was almost gone, almost. He wasn't pleased with her accusatory tone and he couldn't understand where these words were coming from, he needed more clarification.