The Eternal Starlight

Broken

A thousand thoughts raced through her mind when she turned to the last corridor. The doors to King's study loomed in front. Thranduil was sitting at one of the ornately carved chairs, and beckoned her to take the one opposite to him. Though his mind was somewhere far away.

"You look worried, Ada. What is it?" Erenien asked as she lowered herself to the chair. Thranduil poured two glasses of wine and extended one to her. "Try this. It is new, from Dorwinion."

Air bubbles swirled in the honey-coloured liquid. She took a tentative sip. The sweet liquid burned in her throat.

"I saw you with Laerdil, last week."

Her eyes darted towards him. He looked... displeased?

"You do not like him." Her eyes darkened.

He took a sip. "That is not true. He is a noble ellon, brave and courageous. Above everything else, he returned my most valuable treasure. I do like him."

Something akin to relief flooded her features. "Then what is it?"

The events of the previous night replayed in Thranduil's mind. He had never expected such a request from Findir. "I cannot let Laerdil suffer, my lord. I shall tell him. He will listen to me..."

"Ada...what is wrong? Ada?"

His mind returned to the present, to the panic creeping in Erenien's face. "Are you alright? Should I call Aerwen?" He dismissed her concerns with a wave of his hand.

He took another sip and fixed his eyes upon the wall. "I have something to tell you." He sighed and finally met her eyes. "You must promise to be patient."

Now she was getting impatient. "Just tell me what it is."

"Findir was here yesterday. He was deeply concerned for Laerdil."

She frowned, "But Laero is fine, Ada," and blushed as his eyebrows arched at the name. "What I meant to say is that Laerdil is fine. We had talked this morning. He was happy."

"What Findir is concerned is that his happiness might come to an end sooner or later. He is concerned about the feelings you have for each other."

She sat back, eyes dark. "What does he want?" she asked, breathless.

"Findir was a close friend to Laerdil's father. A guardian to the boy after his mother and sister sailed. You are not bound to Arda like us and will one day depart. He is worried about the boy's fate after that."

She couldn't find words to reply to, instead, she simply stared back. Thranduil couldn't hold her gaze. He stood, and walked over to the window, robs sweeping the ornate carpet. "He is trying to protect his ward from an eventual heartbreak. There will be no consolation for him once you are gone. He will be utterly broken."

Moments passed without any sound, except for the crackle of firewood. She finally decided to voice her thoughts. "Ada, how could you tell me this?" Her voice broke. "You, more than anybody else, knows how deeply it hurts when one's love is lost. Why are you denying me what you had?"

"Because you are a mortal, and he is not. The love between our kinds is doomed. It cannot last. One will have to taste the bitterness of mortality. I do not doubt that Laerdil would do the same for you. But you must think of his family." Thranduil paused for a while. "They are waiting for him, in the west. This love may give both of you, joy for some time. But it will end just as it had begun. When I married Elerien, we had all the hope to spend an eternity together. But death found its way to us," he sighed.

"You would see her again, when you sail to the Undying Lands." Thranduil didn't reply to that. That very thought had become alien to him.

"Death is a surety in your love, dear. Tell me, will you cause him such pain. Do you remember telling me that dying for people you love is a noble thing? Then listen to me, Erenien, that sacrificing your happiness for the sake of the one's you love is even greater in noblility. Let him go. Don't be a cause for his suffering."

Thranduil embraced his daughter, who had gone stone still. She wept, the shoulder of his robes drenched.

That night, like so many other nights, sleep didn't visit her. "Let him go. Don't be a cause for his suffering," Thranduil's words echoed in her mind. It is impossible to let him go. Yet it is also impossible to be with him forever. Once she departs, they will not be together until the end of the world.

Laero deserves someone who is able to be with him forever. Not someone like me. But weren't my parents peredhil? Eru... why did you make me this way? Why did you give me something I cannot hold on to?

The truth hurts. But she will not cause him pain.

***

Just as he had expected it, Findir had to face an outburst. Laerdil couldn't just believe his ears. "My heart belongs to her, Findir, and it always will. I have waited centuries for her. How could you ask me to forsake my love?"

"I know it is hard. Your father was a dear friend of mine, and I had given him my word that I would take care of his family. I am doing what is best for you."

"You are breaking my heart. Do you truly believe that is the best thing?"

"Your love will not last. It is a useless pursuit. The King feels the same. He has already talked with her. She will not see you again."

"No! She will not..." she cannot...

Time stilled.

"The king has given me his word. It is true."

His next breath was ragged. How could she leave me so easily? "No, I cannot," he shook his head vehemently. "I would cherish every moment I spend with her. My pain is the same as if she had already left this world. Please, don't do this to me."

"All of us would have wanted you two to be together. But her fate makes it impossible to hope for a bright future. Let her go, son. You are to return to your family after all this ends. You have an eternity to spend in this world. Don't make it miserable." Findir left him. Laerdil staggered home, to the very tree-top they had spent an evening together, a week ago. He sat there, alone, as the dam finally broke.