Falling For Haneef

19.

" She literally scares them away daddy" I answer and watch the smile on my father's face widen. " Then who's your type Tayibah?" Daddy asks and I'm left to wonder, knowing the kind of person Tayibah is, she's certain to end up with someone tolerant and patient. They should be the key features of the person she's going to end up with. " Even I personally am not sure anymore, when I fall in love with a person that excites me, I'll know and keep them close" She answers.

" Pray for the best then" Daddy answers. " In Sha Allah"

" You know there was someone that picked interest in her in dubai, and they kicked off very well and he was so handsome.." I start. " You have a man my dear" Daddy warns and I can't help but laugh a bit. " Well he seemed very okay, but turns out he has gay friends and he loves being around them" Tay Tay Continues. " so?" Daddy asks and my mouth gets stuck agap. Did he just say so?

" He's gay" Tay Tay confirms and Daddy cackles a bit. " Why would you think so?" Daddy asks and I watch him in amazement. " He hangs around gay people" I sternly say. " It's like your senses aren't working well" Daddy responds, about to prove a point. " If he were gay, you wouldn't even have known him to start with"

" Yes, but the fact that he's comfortable being around them is a trait I can't stand" Tay Tay says. " Fine okay, but the fact that he likes their company doesn't make him gay either. They're his friends, apart from their love lives, they have other lives they enjoy and that might be what he has in common with them" Daddy says and I sigh heavily. I hate it when I don't go deep into my reasoning like my daddy just did. " Well the fact still stands, the fact that he accepts their gay factor is something I don't like and also something I can't be attached to. Like just imagine if I was in love and decided to go ahead with being with him, me liking him means I have to adjust to his friends cause they are extensions of who he is and I simply can't just do that, I'll break them"

" with which strength?" Daddy asks. " She's stronger than she seems, believe me" I respond on her behalf as I watch with hungry eyes, her dish lunch. " Really?, can you carry a bag of rice?" Daddy asks.
" Why not, you can try her" I answer, making Tay Tay rescue herself instantly. " No o, abeg o, don't try me o" she yells and a calm laugh escapes me. She's so cute.

Lunch with Tay Tay and Daddy was graceful, I left them to chat so I could get some sleep. I just hope I get enough strength when I wake up.

" Zaki, wake up" I hear Tay Tay faintly call out in my dreams. " Yoo, don't do this, you have to pray and start getting ready" I hear her say again. I need more rest, my head's banging. " Zakiyah wake up" I'm awake now. I slowly blink my eyes and push the covers away from me, stretching my body around. " I'm not sure I can go ahead with this, I'm not strong" I whisper, sitting upright as I stare at Tay Tay taking out clothes from my wardrobe. " You can just do this when you get back" she answers, returning the clothes back to the wardrobe. " What if I don't come back?" I ask, my eyes tearing up. " Don't say that Zaki, please" Tay Tay starts, sitting down beside me on my bed. " The same way I thought Saleem and I would come back together might be the same way I'm thinking I'll come back too. I know that Doctor Isah said I'll be fine but what if I don't end up being fine?. What if I don't make it too?. Like I'm trying so hard to stay positive but I can't help but have this at the back of mind. What if I truly leave this world?, who's going to be there for all of you guys?" I couldn't hold back tears. Tay Tay couldn't as well as she rested my head on her chest while gently stroking my back. " I Don't honestly want to imagine that, I want you to fight this Zakiyah. You can overcome this with us by your side. I know I can't stop you from having those thoughts but if there's one thing I know, it's that Allah's decree is always going to be the best. Good or bad, he knows what's best for us. What you should do now is to cancel all the negative thoughts okay?"