TRY AGAIN| K

𝘛𝘞𝘖

"I-I've been relapsing..." Raina chocked out, the drumming becoming faster.

"What have you been experiencing Raina?" Dr Seo questioned softly as he leaned forward in his seat across from her. He patiently waited as Raina opened her mouth multiple times, trying to form the right words to speak.

"I...I've been having- those thoughts again. Last week- I... I begged my manager to take away anything that I could use to-you know... I-I've been drinking since the start of the week and yesterday...I locked myself in the practice room until about an hour ago." Raina stuttered, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"Do your friends know? are they helping you?" Raina shook her head.

"They don't know about my-But...They're always helping me, whether they know it or not. Them being by my side is more than enough for me." Raina confessed and Dr Seo nodded slowly, offering the young woman a smile.

"Dr Seo..." Raina hesitated for a moment, licking her dry lips.

"I'm scared...I don't want to feel like this anymore, I don't want to worry my friends about my wellbeing, I don't want to keep feeling so... void." Raina confessed, tears gathering in her vision but she didn't let them fall. Dr Seo laid a gentle hand on her own, giving her a comforting squeeze before pulling away.

"I know Raina. I know the darkness you're experiencing right now feels so endless like you won't be able to escape it. But if you keep trying, keep surrounding yourself with people who love you as much as you love them. You will be able to see the light. For now, I will prescribe you some anti-depressants and if you wish...I can make our sessions more frequent." Raina smiled gratefully, the gesture barely noticeable but Dr Seo caught it. Raina nodded slowly.

"I think that is for the best." Raina said before the two continued talking, an hour went by before Raina stood up and bowed to Dr Seo. He patted her shoulder before Raina turned to make her way out of the room, Raina sighed her heart feeling slightly lighter. 

 As she made her way back to the van that waited for her, her phone rang.

"Hello, Raina speaking?" Raina answered her phone.

"Hey, Raina." The deep voice vibrated through the speaker, the corners of her lips twitched up at the voice. 

"Hey, Jaehyun." She greeted softly as she climbed into the vehicle. Raina had met the NCT member earlier that year when they did a collaboration project together. The two became closer than anyone expected them to, to Raina, Jeong Jaehyun was her escape from her own mind. He had held her in his arms when she showed up at his dorm door, soaked to the bone and sobbing. He quickly became someone Raina cared for. Most people viewed their friendship as being something more, but Jaehyun knew what she has gone through and continues to go through, and although he does hold some affection for the woman in that sense, he respected and cared for her too much to ever act on it. 

"How did your session go? do you need me to meet you?" Jaehyun's voice brought Raina back into reality.

"It was good, I feel slightly better. But we both know that won't last long." Raina spoke, leaning her head against the window, watching the world outside.

"Raina..." Jaehyun sighed, Raina realised what she had said and bit her lip.

"Sorry...I just..." Raina guiltily said.

"Don't apologise Raina. But you didn't answer my second question." Raina chuckled lightly, a barely noticeable smile on her lips.

"Not today Jaehyun, but I'll call you when I can." Jaehyun hummed before the two said their goodbyes. 

The rest of the day blurred together for Raina. By the time Raina and the others had gotten back to the dorms, the sun had already set. The boys made their way to their rooms while Raina laid on the couch in the living room, staring up at the ceiling trying to sleep. But as always, sleep had a way to evade Raina, leaving the woman with nothing but her thoughts. Raina sighed and closed her eyes, wishing nothing more for her inner nightmare to be over, wishing that she could just wake up feeling nothing but pure happiness and love. Dr Seo words fluttered around in her mind.

 I know the darkness you're experiencing right now feels so endless like you won't be able to escape it. But if you keep trying, keep surrounding yourself with people who love you as much as you love them. You will be able to see the light.

A/N 

hey guys, how have you been? 

Like I have said, Part One of this story will be a bit dark and will contain mentions of depression. I do want to give one more warning as the next chapter will be a bit more intense in this aspect and it will mention death. It WILL NOT be explicitly descriptive but I want you to read with caution regardless.