The Beast

The Beast (28)

What was the point of it all? What was the point when all I could do was sit back and watch as everything collapses into a pile of irreparable rubble at my own poisonous touch?

Such depressing thoughts, one would say if ever they were to encounter the broken wasteland that is my very mind.

Yet there is nothing else I could think of...

... Is this really all there is of me?

All this pointless moping and whining and self-pitying?

What a waste...

You're a waste.

"Raine." His deep voice had started pleading with me again, his big hands running gently over the pale skin of my arms in a manner that was meant to be soothing but only served to make me feel more miserable than I already was. I curled further into myself on the cold bed, trying to ignore Adrian.

How many times has he called my name already?

A hundred?

A thousand?

It didn't matter anyways...

Nothing mattered.

Sensing that I wouldn't answer him yet again, he only scooted closer to me, hovering over me so that his blue gaze could wash over my shivering body. The warmth that he gives off which I used to smother myself in, only left an aching chest in my heart and I felt just a bit more empty inside. And those intense blue eyes that used to leave me breathless, only left me choking back the bile that threatened to escape my lips.

It hurt to be with him...

It hurt when I knew he was the only one left who cared...

He had brought me to his room where I had ended up confining myself, wanting the comfort of knowing that Adrian's presence was still there but wanting him to just leave me to wallow in my self-pity and the raging emotions within me.

I just wanted the earth to swallow me whole until there was nothing left of me.

But Adrian wouldn't leave me alone. He refused to let me waste myself away like I wanted to. He'd come in, just to call my name over and over in an effort to make me turn my head to him and talk. He'd sit there for hours, whispering promises that I knew he wouldn't be able to keep. He'd sit beside my motionless body, keeping close contact but never really holding me.

It was painful to see him so desperate and on the edge of a breakdown, and I wanted nothing more but to escape into his awaiting arms, bury myself in the comfort he so willingly offers to me and allow myself to cry out my own woes to someone who seems to care.

But it was more painful to know that he could leave me just like they did, and that was all the reason for me to want to stay away....

"Why won't you talk to me? Why won't you look at me?" His strained whisper was barely audible, but you could hear it... the pain.... the agony... Those words spoken so many times in the past few day that had torn me up so badly that I had no choice but to harden my heart in the hopes of keeping the tears at bay.

No.

I won't let him get hurt.

I won't let anyone hurt him.

I will not allow it.

Because the more close he is to me, the more they would surely hunt him down. And he'd disappear like my parents did.... like my aunt did.... and like my Gwen did.

I couldn't allow that to happen. How could I?

I would end my life with my own hands if it has to come to it.