Same Mistakes

29. For The Best

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well, really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah." I finally finished.

"Thank-you." Madison whispered, eyes still closed.

"Liam," Said Danielle, standing up and approaching me. She put her hands on my shoulders. "I'm taking Madison back. The judge already agreed. Its been less then 24 hours and you're already an unfit father. I'm sorry." Even though I'd known this was coming, it still came as a shock. I immediately felt the tears well up into my eyes and my chest constrict, as if a belt was wrapped around me and tightened as much as possible.

"Danielle, I'm sorry, I love you. I know I've made so many mistakes, uncountable mistakes, but I didn't remember she was allergic, I just wanted to make her a smoothie, little girls love smoothies and they need nutricion, Danielle, please give me another chance I swear this won't happen again," I pleaded.

"You're right, it won't happen again. Because you're not getting another chance."

*

I drove down the road, not able to control my emotions anymore. I wanted to be a good father. I wanted a life with Danielle and Max and Madison and Megan, who I'll never get the chance to know. I don't want Sophia, or Olivia, I just want my family. My girl and my babies. They're my people. I always used to be able to turn to Danielle, for literally anything.

Advice on styles, a funny joke on a bad day, a good kiss when I was feeling like shit. I know not a single person out there probably gives a single shit about me anymore. I've ruined my life. I've messed everything up. I wish I could make a formal apology to everyone who had to witness me as a father. I'm horrible. I'm absolutely horrible.

I don't even know where I'm driving, I just don't want to be anywhere near London. I need a break. I need to calm down. But how can I calm down in a time like this?

The moment I found out Danielle had Max I wanted to be in his life. Then when there was Madison, I was even more excited. Two kids. Lovely. Two lovely little children for Danielle and I to raise into lovely young people. Both those children were my babies, biologically or not. Somewhere along the way I managed to mess everything up.

Oh yes, it was the day after I proposed to Danielle and then Simon told me I had to go back to Soph. Then when we came home, I had to yell and Danielle to get her to agree to have a wedding between February and September, because Simon was going to make me leave Danielle in September.

Then he made me take Sophia to the Brit Awards instead of Danielle, so I had to get Perrie and Violet to distract Dani for the night which ended up backfiring majorly.

Then Danielle found out she was pregnant again. With Megan. I felt so much joy in was unbearable. I wanted to sing to the skies, I was so thrilled. But Danielle told me she was going to abort Megan. I snapped and told her that if she aborted the baby that we would be over forever.

And I blew it. Then when she had the baby, I didn't believe her because I'm an asshole sent from hell. It's not my fault she told me she was aborting the baby, I didn't know.

I tried to control my shaky and uneven breathes as I drove out of town. The leaves were orange and yellow and red, and the sky was grey. Typical fall weather. Though gloomy, it was beautiful. I stared at the beauty. I would love to take my family out here for a picnic. Its lovely and fun, and we could bring cocoa.

But they're not my family. They don't want to be my family. They don't love me. I just wish I could apologize to them for everything I put them through.

I reached over to my right to cup holder, and took out my clear plastic water-bottle. I lifted it to my mouth, and used my teeth to unscrew the cap. I spit the cap to the ground and took some sips of the cold water. I put it back in the black foamy holder, and peeked down at the ground for the cap. When my eyes found it, I took my eyes away from the road to pick it up. I bent down, and felt around for it.

I felt it between my fingers, and sat back up. I looked away from the road once more to put the cap back on the water bottle.

I looked back at the road. Just in time to see a black pick-up truck come straight for me. I immediately swerved, realizing I was in the wrong lane. But it was too late. The truck smashed into the front of my car, and that's the last thing I remember before blacking out.

Been so busy lately.
Took up snowboarding!
Went for the 2nd time ever on Friday, and wiped out, spraining my knee pretty badly. They had to call an ambulance and they gave me giggle-gas to numb the pain and it hurt so freaking badly. Now I have crutches -.- Worst part, is that the guy I like works at the ski hill and had to witness me crying and laughing like crazy on the giggle gas #fail
Love u all tho
QOTD: Liam ok?
-A xoxo