His Reason to Live - Hwang Inyeop Short Story

Chapter 5: Her Story

"That's enough kids, you're scaring our visitor," the nun who is with the kids removed them from my legs and I so want to thank her for that. "We weren't expecting you to visit today," she smiled at her and I saw her smile back.

"This might be my last visit," she said and I saw the sadness in the nun's eyes though she's smiling.

"I understand," the nun said and looked at me. We both smiled at each other. It felt weird and nice at the same time knowing that I can smile genuinely to other people. Look at what this girl did to me.

"We'll get inside now. It's time for the kids' medication," the nun informed her. "Are you staying tonight?"

"I would like to but you know I can't," she declined. "Can we take a walk around? I just want my company to see the beauty of this orphanage."

"Sure," the nun politely agreed and smiled at me. "Hope you'll enjoy your day."

I smiled back at her. "This is an orphanage?" I asked her as the nun and the kids got inside the huge house. "It doesn't look like one."

She did not speak and started walking. I followed her. We walked in silence and I wondered what's on her mind. She's been quiet since we left the Ramen house.

"So..." I cleared my throat. "You told me you'll tell me who that lady was back there once we arrive here. What is the relation of that lady to this place?"

She stopped walking, so did I, and that is when I realized we're at a cliff overlooking the vastness of the ocean. She looked at me and gave me that empty smile I'm starting to hate.

"I'm an orphan. I grew up here." She once again looked at the ocean. "That lady back there is my mother."

Now it all makes sense. Why she insisted that we eat at that stall even though there are a lot of other stalls to eat at, why she knows the staff at that stall because she's been watching her all this time and why she looks at that lady dearly. Why do I feel so sad when I realized that she's been alone all this time? I want to ask why and how it happened but I don't want to because I know she will reminisce about all the things that happened to her and I don't want her to be sad. I realized one thing with all this craziness I jumped into, that there are still people who are willing to forgive others despite all bad things that happened to them...and she's one of them.

Why? Why can I not be understanding like her? Why did she still forgive her mother though she is completely aware that her mother abandoned her?

"I don't hate her if that's what you want to ask?" She said like she could read my mind. "I was hurt, yes, but I can never hate her."

"Why?" I asked, at last.

"Why what?" She asked back.

"You know what I mean. Why do you not hate her despite her abandoning you?"

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning," she faced me and intently looked at my eyes. "...but anyone can start today and make a new ending. An ending I know will be favorable for me."

I looked at her quizzically, my face shows that I have no idea of what she is talking about. She chuckled at my reaction. She stares at the vast ocean with that serious look on her face. Wind blowing her soft wavy hair. I have no idea if it is soft but it looks like it.

"Why do you want to do it?" She asked as she continued staring at the ocean. When I did not answer, she looked at me with those mellow eyes. I know what she means, that she's talking about my decision of ending my life, and so I avoided her stare.

I start to wonder, why do I want to do it? What is the real reason why I want to do it? Is it because of the pain I feel all these years because my so-called family abandoned me? Is it because I have no one beside me to tell all my plans and ambitions in life? Is it because I feel like life is so cruel to me that it makes me feel like I have no reason to live?

Or is it because I'm scared? I'm scared to face the reality that I am scared to move on with my life because I'm scared of what will be the outcome of my efforts. I'm a coward.

The person beside me made me realize that I am a coward. She's been through a lot but she still manages to smile and make others smile. She still learned how to forgive others who wronged her. If I am asked how to describe her, she's an angel in disguise or an angel sent from above. Yeah, it sounds cringy but it is true. She's an angel.

"If you think that you have made me change my mind then --," I was not able to finish my sentence when she suddenly hugged me.

"Of course, I didn't. No one will ever make you change your decision but you. I just hope you enjoyed your 24 hours with me. I hope I made you happy." She tightly hugged me and I felt my arms do the same to her. She feels warm.

"Why do you do this? Why do you trust me? I'm a stranger to you and yet you gave your time to me." I said as my emotions started to heighten. My eyes start to water and I feel like choking to prevent these tears from falling.

She pulled herself from my hug, her eyes set on mine, and with a smile, she answered. "Well I'm a stranger to you, too, but you also gave me your time."

"What if I am a bad guy? What if I do something bad to you?" I asked with concern laced in my voice.

"You won't. You're not a bad person."

"Well, how did you know? We just met yesterday."

She placed her hands behind her and tilted her head sideways. I find it cute. "Did you hurt me?"

"No."

"Do you have intentions of hurting me?"

"Of course not!" I said with conviction.

"See," she smiles victoriously. "You're not a bad guy."

I sighed in defeat and placed my hands in my pocket. "I hope you won't give your time to another stranger. They might hurt you."

"Is that concern I hear?" She teased as she chuckled.

"It's not!" I defended and looked away.

"I think it is," she sweetly said. I looked at her and she smiled. I found myself smiling back. Then our smiles turned to chuckles.