As Ready As I'll Ever Be

Chapter 62

"Baby, I'd rather do that than loose you. I'd loose my wife and our kids would loose their other mom." She told me.

"It's ok. Look how much shit we've been through already. I'll agree to any medication or something. Come on please.." I said, I was getting a bit worked up and realized I was slightly raising my voice.
Alyssa never really argues with me. She never gets mad or yells at me.

"How about... we process this info and come back in a few days?" She asked me calmly.
I looked at her and looked down and nodded.

"Can we have a few days to think about it?" Alyssa asked Natalie.
"Yea of course. I know it's a lot of info and a lot to take in to weight in all the factors." Natalie said.
"Ok thanks, we'll call and make an appointment once we've figured everything out." Alyssa said.

"Ok, no rush you two. Good luck." Nat smiled and left the room.
Alyssa pulled my hand a little.

"Come on my love, we can discuss this later. I promise we'll figure it out ok?" She picked up my chin and gave me a light kiss on the lips.
I nodded my head, I didn't want to start an argument right now.

We left Med and went to get lunch at a restaurant. We had 3 hours until we had to pick up the kids.
"Hi for 2?" The host asked us.
"Yes please." I said.
We got sat down.

"Hello! What would you two like to drink?" The waiter came over shortly after.
"Can I have a water?" Alyssa asked.
"Yea same for me." I said.

The waiter left and Alyssa and I were talking.
"Look... I know you're upset.. but I really don't want you to risk your health to get pregnant again.." Alyssa grabbed my hand and told me.

"I understand but..." I said, but stopped myself. "I don't want to talk about this right now babe.. can we talk about this later?" I asked her.
"Yea of course my love." She said.

The waiter came over with our drinks and we ordered our food. After we left the restaurant, it was already time to go pick up the kids.

"They're gonna be hungry when they get out. How about we get them McDonalds?" I asked Alyssa.
"Yea sure. But we have other errands to run, do we take them?" She asked.
"Yea, I mean we kind of have to." I said.

We got them each a happy meal.
We picked them up from daycare.
"Hello, who are you here to pick up?" The lady at the front asked me.

In their daycare, you have to go to the front office to pick them up. It's not like a school where they come out through the front doors and you wait for them there.

"I'm here for Skylar and Cameron Severide." I told her.
She looked at her computer.
"Can I have your ID?" She asked me.

I gave it to her.
"Let me get them for you." She said.
She came out with them.
"Mama! Mommy!" They ran to us.

We laughed and picked them up.
"Hi! How was your guy's day at daycare?" Alyssa asked them.
"Good." They said. We got them in the car.
"Mommy we colored!" Skylar told Alyssa, showing a little coloring page.

"Wow good job princess!" Alyssa said.
"Mama look!" Cameron said, showing me his.
"That's looks so good baby!" I said.
We gave them their McDonald's, then we had to go to WholeFoods to go Grocery shopping.

After that, we got home at around 5pm.
Alyssa and I were making dinner while Skylar and Cameron were upstairs playing.
I heard one of the kids come down the stairs.
"Mama?" I heard Skylar and felt her tug on my leg.
"Yea honey?" I asked her.

"What's this?" She asked. She gave me a picture. It was a photo of Alyssa and I doing a maternity photo shoot when I was 30 weeks pregnant. We got one of the photos framed and put in their room.
I got the photo from her and smiled.
"Babe look." I showed Alyssa.

Alyssa looked at that photo and smiled.
"I remember that day." She said.
"What's that?" Skylar asked again, trying to get the photo out of my hand.

"Look Sky, it's Mommy and Mama. And this was when Mama was pregnant with you and Cam. You and Cam were in Mama's belly right here." I explained to her, pointing to us in the photo.

Then Cameron came down.
"Mommy, what's that?" We heard him say.
"What baby?" Alyssa asked.
He had a photo. It was a photo of both Skylar and Cameron as babies, and he had another one that was all 4 of us at home, in their nursery.
"Aww oh my god they were so little." I said, looking at the photo.

"What's that?" Skylar asked, looking at the photos he had.
"Look, that's Skylar as a baby, and that's Cameron as a baby." Alyssa said, pointing to the photo.
"Baby?" Skylar asked.
"Yea that's you guys as babies." I smiled.

"I want baby." Skylar said.
"Yea!" Cameron said.
"You guys want a baby brother or sister?" I asked them.
"Baby brother." Skylar said.
"Brother." Cameron said.

I looked at Alyssa.
"Maybe we should talk about it now then." She chuckled.
We finished making dinner, we ate, and Skylar and Cameron went back upstairs to keep playing.

Alyssa and I talked about trying again for a baby.
"You already know how I feel about this... I think... we should take our chances and implant the eggs back into me." Alyssa said.

"But... like Nat said. The chances of an egg sticking is 20%.. babe why can't we just have me get pregnant again?" I asked.
"My love you heard Natalie. It's super risky and-" She said, but I cut her off.

"Yes it's risky, but I'm fertile. Natalie said I'm 100% fertile and that I just can't work." I said.
"Yes but she said it's risky with your liver and kidneys. And your stress and anxiety. Babe you're always stressed and anxious about everything. And when you were pregnant, that skyrocketed." She said.

"I'll take any medication that I need to. I won't work, I'll keep my stress and anxiety low, I'll find a way. Natalie said that if you try, the chance of an egg sticking is super low. I'd rather myself get pregnant and have a greater chance of getting pregnant. You know IVF isn't always guaranteed to work, but at least if I try to get pregnant, our chances are way higher." I said.

"Brielle just listen to me for once. I would much rather try over and over again for me to get pregnant, than loose you." She said, raising her voice. I could see she was getting upset and frustrated, but so was I.

"Alyssa we both want another baby. Look at how much stuff our family has been through already. What I've been through. Just let me get pregnant, I understand all the risks. But I don't care. You heard Sky and Cam, they want a sibling and-" I was saying, then she cut me off.

"God Dammit Brielle, listen to me! I don't want to loose you! You want to risk your life for the 100th time? Then do it! I try my best to stay calm but you are so damn stubborn! I don't know what to do anymore! I don't know what to say to make you listen! You want to risk me loosing my wife, or Skylar and Cameron loosing their mother? You know I love you! We grew up together, chased our dreams together! Had kids together! You want to throw that all away by god-forbid dying because you wanted another baby when we already have 2 perfect kids? Then be my guest! You're so god damn stubborn! Just listen to me for once! Sometimes I wonder how you got so stubborn! It seems like you go more stubborn when we got together! Sometimes I even wonder why I married you!" Alyssa yelled at me. She was super frustrated and angry and upset.

I looked at her with tears in my eyes.
I noticed Skylar on the steps, watching us.

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