Constructive Deconstruction (StudxStud)

Ends to Beginnings

My smile slowly fell and my eyes wandered my laptop's screen aimlessly until I caught my reflection. Brown skin, brown eyes framed by clear glasses, big lips, and a head full of black and brown locs. Pensive, smart, creative, quiet, and now sad. I am Manala.

I'm on a video call with my person. I say person because it's been a little complicated until now. Now whatever we had was over. Her words played back in my head a few times, "I want you to enjoy your senior year love."

My senior year of high school was beginning soon, but she's older. We aren't together which is okay. Even so she means a lot to me and I've grown since I've been with her. I was playing the field, well I'll just say it. I was hoeish. Okay straight up hoeing before I met her.

It was a mental and emotional need thing I mean the sex was great too, but I just hated being alone with my own thoughts. So I always felt the need to reach out. But Zee was the first person in along time that made me feel like I didn't have to look to anyone else. Her and a mixture of me realizing the mindset I held and I were the problem.

It was getting dark outside, it's gonna be a long night. I had no idea of the actual time though, and was unwilling to check the time. Cause then I'd be aware of how long I'd have to be to myself tonight. I sat on my bed, laptop in front of me.

Zee looked at me through the screen with this soft sorry look and her head tilted to the side slightly. I hate that fucking look. My face started to contort into a nasty mug. I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw to fend off the mean glare the muscles in my face wanted desperately to display. She continued speaking, "Manala, I have to get my shit together and you got your senior year to worry about. I know how you are babe, but I can't give you the attention you want right now."

She isn't wrong I need my attention and she has shit to get straight. So no time for me. There is nothing left for us right now, but still, her words saddened and angered me. The only person that made me better was Zee. This sucks man.

I open my eyes speaking, "I understand. Good luck. I hope you know I'm mad at you. I swear if you don't come back for me you're going on the shit list Zaharie." She tried to respond, "Don't be calling my full-." "Shut up." She began to chuckle a little before stopping noticing the highly upset look on my face. She opted for a nod and apologized.

Welp there goes that. Yeah I must be the problem. Definitely the common denominator. Relationships can't be for me if they always ending. Damn and the best one yet has ended before it started.

After a few more words we ended the call. I shut my laptop then tossed it onto the edge of my bed. Food, yes I'm hungry. I let out a sigh and punch the crater in the wall beside my door on my way out. My hand stung, but it wasn't the first time. I continued to the kitchen to raid the pantry. I start grabbing all the snack boxes then check the freezer. After grabbing a pint of ice cream I make my way back upstairs to my room.

I know this isn't "real food", but sometimes I need "feel better food." Don't be like me though. I kick the door closed behind me and sit all my snacks on my bed. My lip pokes out. Man, I miss her already the fuckery. I shake the thought from my head then find my tv remote and jump onto my bed.

I open a snack and put on a show. But half a show and a pint of ice cream later the tears finally start to come as I eat. With a sigh, I wipe my tears away then close my eyelids hoping they will keep the tears from falling. To no avail, my tears roll down my eyelashes, onto my cheeks, and I begin to feel empty. I guess this is what I get for letting everything go, for acting like I don't feel to protect myself.

I couldn't protect myself completely now I feel nothing on the inside instead of nothing on the outside. I take a deep breath and grab my phone. I'm not going to be alone tonight. So I shoot a text.

Messages> Little Lady

3 months ago

Little Lady: bye bye :(

Me: Later

Now

Me: Come over

Little Lady: Omw darling!

I laid out on my bed like a starfish and began to think. Before I could get very far in my thoughts the door bell rung. I took a deep breath and headed down the stairs. I opened the door and lost all sight as the person behind it jumped on me.