this is us | jjk

six ~ it's not all rainbows and butterflies

She couldn't even look at you; that's how ashamed she was. Your whole life, it seemed like you couldn't do anything right in her eyes. She would praise her friend's kids for their success but fail to acknowledge yours. And that hurt--deeply, not having the approval of your mother.

"I suppose it's time to tell you," she finally spoke, still avoiding your gaze.

You sat back, resting on your feet, trying your best to speculate what she could tell you. "Tell me what?" Would she finally admit fault?

"I only have to call you my daughter because of your father."

You weren't sure what she meant by that, well, of course, you were their daughter.

"I promised I would keep this a secret for your father's sake, but now that he's not here with us anymore, I see no reason to keep it from you anymore."

You froze. A part of you didn't want her to continue. Could it be worse than the situation at hand or just add more fuel to your already strained relationship? Whatever it was, it would change your life either way.

"You're not my daughter," she stated openly, sighing as she leaned back on the dining chair. She finally gazed down at you, almost proud of the words that came out of her mouth.

"Now you're just trying to hurt me, and it's working. Good job, mom."

"I'm not lying. What reason would I have to lie to you? Your father had an affair very early on in our marriage, and that woman," she said with bitterness, "died after giving birth to you. She listed your father as next of kin--and here you are."

Eventually, it hit you. You understood why she hated you so much and never bothered to have a relationship with you. She couldn't tolerate looking at you, raising someone else's child, raising someone who wasn't hers.

❤

"How did it go with your mom?" Jungkook asked, even though he could already tell by the tears forming that it didn't go well.

Already on the verge of tears, you shook your head and mumbled, "Not good." With your shoulders slumped over and head down, you were biting your lip, trying your hardest not to break down in front of Jungkook. There were many things you didn't like, and crying was one of them.

You hated being so vulnerable, so weak. It felt like someone cut open your chest and left you to bleed out.

He walked over and gently enveloped you in his arms, one hand wrapped around your waist and the other around the nape of your neck. His chin nestled into your shoulder, whispering, "It's going to be okay. We'll be fine."

It was hard to accept what he said. Would it ever indeed be okay? Your mother was never the 'best friend' type, and you never looked for that. All you wanted was someone to listen, to support you, to love you. It was hard to reflect on your life and try to find joyful moments with her. There were hardly any, and your dad was always there if there were.

You wrapped your arms around Jungkook, trying not to soak his shirt with your tears, but failing miserably - mascara running, snot coming out of your nose, all-around ugly crying. You started to sob into his chest softly. He pulled you closer, gently shushing you and caressing your hair, whispering, "I'm here. It's okay, I'm here. I'm never leaving you," making you sob even more.

There was a risk in stepping into a relationship with him, but it was one you were willing to make. Regardless of the stares and side-eyes you received from strangers on the streets and whispers from relatives and family friends, you'd do anything for him.