Expression

Cheated

"Mate, I'm can't stress enough how much you need to talk to her."

Charlie's frustration was evident at this point.
"Yes, but why!? What has she told you, that she can't tell me?"
Laura's face was torn- torn between spilling the secret to her friend, or keeping the secret of her best friend. "I- I really want to tell you, but I can't."
"Why!? How can that possibly be your decision? If it concerns me and her, then obviously you should tell me!" He cried. 
"You know what, you're right." Laura's face fell, resigning to the hard news. "You know the other night, when me, her and Alice were over at mine, and we had a few drinks?"
"Yeah, I remember." Charlie nodded. 
"Well, with Rachel especially, she tends to speak ultimate truth when she's drunk, and not remember anything." Laura began. "And, I know that you wanted to keep it private, but I know she said that you were dating, and Alice hated that, and-"
Charlie's face was going redder by the second. "And what?"
"Well, Rachel said she'd rather date anyone but you, simply because you're too full on with everything." Laura started to go on, but caught herself. 
"No, no, continue." Charlie's voice was dangerously calm. 
"They- uh, sort of- well..." Laura sighed. "They started making out, quite heavily, and got quite- physical."

"And what after that?" Charlie muttered, his anger drowning his sadness. 
"They went home together." Laura finished. "I don't know anything past that." 
"Ok." Charlie muttered, pulling out his phone. "I, uh- I'm gonna go, now."
"Charlie, you can't hurt her." Laura's eyes widened as she realised that maybe this could have been a bad idea. "If this has hurt you, you can't go and hurt her as well, this could be a mistake!"
"Relax, alright, I'm not going to do anything like that." Charlie replied. "I just want to know everything."
"I swear, if you hurt her in any way, i'll kill you." Laura said, warningly. 
"Yeah, ok." Charlie said, turning away and walking home. 

He was used to it, the double standards held to him. 
Laura didn't hide the fact she cared for Rachel more than him, and would leave his side in a heartbeat if Rachel was the slightest bit upset, and his own troubles were far more. 
Charlie had come to accept that it was beyond his abilities to find someone who'd unconditionally care for him as much as he could care for other people.
He'd found it was a recurring issue with his relationships- that he'd care more than the other person, and the other person lacked in such a capacity, and were unable to reciprocate. 

These thoughts ran through his head, with feelings of betrayal, resentment, jealousy, protectiveness. 
He got to the house, and there was no one else in, except her. 
Normally this would spark up excitement in him, but today none of that came to fruition.
He knocked, and she came to the door, holding her phone. 
"Laura said she told you..." Rachel muttered, defeated, and stepped aside so he could come in.
 
"I just want to know- is what you said true?" Charlie said, sitting down on the sofa. 
"About what?" Rachel sighed. 
"That I'm too full on and all." he said, a depth of sadness to his voice that wasn't there before. 
"Yeah, I said that." Rachel affirmed. "I was drunk though, you can't blame me."
"Come on, everyone knows you spill your secrets when you're drunk." Charlie shook his head. "And you started making out with Alice, and went home with her?"
Rachel reddened, and tucked her hair behind her ear, a gesture that wrenched at Charlie's heartstrings. "Yeah, we- we did that."
God, did this hurt Charlie. 

A lump formed in his throat. 
"I- well- I don't know what to say." He stammered, his eyes welling up. "Why? I know you knew this would hurt me, don't even pretend."
"No- I- I knew, yes." Rachel said, the guilt plain in her eyes. "I'm sorry, but it's done now."
"I just can't- Jesus-" Charlie hurriedly wiped his eyes on his palms, and sniffed, and tried to continue. "Like- you knew-"
"Are you ok?" Rachel asked, genuine concern in her eyes as she stood up and put a caring hand on his shoulder. 
"Course I'm not fucking ok." Charlie let out a sob, holding it all back as much as he could, as she sat down next to him. 
"It's just- I'd imagine everything in my future with you, you're the one I want for all of my life. No one else can compare to you in any way, and I trust you with my absolute life, and you go out and do this." Charlie breathed, looking up in a desperate attempt to hold back his emotions. "Literally, my only hope at living was my attachment to you, you helped me so much. And for what?"
"Charlie- I- I had no idea I meant this much to you." Rachel said, putting a tentative arm around his shoulder. "But why would you show all of this if you get literally nothing from me in return?"

"Because I love you, ok Rachel?" Charlie turned to look at her, red rimmed eyes and her's widened at this declaration. 
"I'm so sorry." Rachel buried her head in her own hands, and rubbed her temples, realising how big a mistake she'd made. "I honestly didn't realise this relationship meant that much to you."

"Oh that's bullshit!" Charlie got up, his voice cracking and turned to face her. "You've known the whole time that i'd do more for you, and you used me! You used me for my kindness, my honesty, my generosity... I'd buy you 10,000 of the most perfect jewels, and you'd throw them in the corner of your room, on the pile. You knew. You were the one, the one who was supposed to support me through everything, and you were up to that, you said so yourself. And then you left me." His voice trailed off. 
She cut in. "I'm not even going to pretend that i'm able to defend myself, I know i did that. I know I should have told you."
Charlie shook his head, speaking his words with a quietness tinged with venom. "I honestly can't believe you. What happens next, is on you."
His lip quivered, on the verge of losing himself, and hid behind the door, muttering audibly to himself-
"Don't cry, you can't cry. Be stronger."

"It's ok, you can cry." Rachel stood up and went to him, upset with how badly she'd done, close to crying herself. "Come here- I'm so, so sorry."
"I don't want to hug you." Charlie said, on the verge of full-out tears again. 
"Please, it might help." Rachel said, opening her arms close to him. "I swear- Charlie, I'm so sorry."
Regretfully, Charlie accepted it, and broke down.