Up to no good - Harry Potter OS

4. Blood | REMUS CENTRIC

Ik it's a bit dark and very painful but I really like this one for some reason :)
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Ship: Wolfstar (kinda? Not really though)
Genre: Angst
Warnings: description of injury, breaking bones, no blood
INFO:
Remus and Sirius are not together. Which means Sirius is not cheating. Don't hate on this girl, it's not her nor Sirius' fault Remus feels the way he feels.
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I couldn't watch it anymore. Just the mere thought of Sirius kissing that girl, maybe even going further with her, made me want to vomit. I didn't know why, but in the past few months our relationship had become a lot more distant.

"I think you should stay here this full moon", I said to my friends, making them look at me in surprise.

Quickly, before any of them could say anything, I ran out of the Gryffindor common room, making my way through the already dark hallways, seen as it was already eight o'clock on a December evening, of Hogwarts.

The blood in my veins rushed through my body, making my head feel like it could burst with pressure any second.
My bones hurt like hell, every step felt heavier than the last one, making me want to reach my destination even faster.

While I walked along the cold corridors, which looked even more majestic at night, with their large, old-fashioned portraits and the shallow moonlight, which dreamily grazed the corridors, I didn't even notice a tear running down my cheek.

Again and again these pictures repeated themselves in my memory. Sirius who stared at me with a pitiful look, James who laughed at my anger and Peter who flinched, who was afraid I would actually hurt him.

Arriving in the room I had already spent so many painfully tormenting nights at, I sank down on my knees.

With my wand, I slammed the door shut behind me, mumbling a fast but effective encryption spell, which would dissolve in a few hours and of which I was sure that my friends neither knew nor could solve.

Without the warmth and kindness, which they knew calmed me down and made the pain easier to handle, that usually prevailed with the other three here, I felt as if someone had taken a piece of me and thrown it onto the ground, violently stomping on it over and over again, as if it was a disgusting bug.

Never had I appreciated their absence as much as I did right now, and never did I want to feel the pain, the pure torture, more than at this moment.

Not that I actively wanted to hurt, I just hoped that this pain made it possible to suppress the other pain that had been drilling into my heart for weeks, if not months.

The fear I had had for years, to be like the man who turned me into this monster, to actually enjoy this one monthly night, now seemed much more pleasing. Almost tempting.

Finally, even if just for a brief moment, I was at peace with this disease. Right now it made it possible for me, without alcohol and drugs, without self-inflicted pain, to put on a smile where there should be none.

After a few minutes of silent sitting and heavy breathing, I noticed the first changes.
Slowly, the goosebumps crawled up my back, tickling my neck before a cold wave washed through me, as if I wasn't standing in this house, but on a high mountain, where the wind blew cold.

I got up, loosened my muscles, rolled my head from one side to side, waiting for the first pain to strike.
It was like getting ready for a boxing fight, while waiting for the start signal. But instead of another person, the enemy I would have to fight was myself. And instead of wanting to win, I got ready to lose.