If I could love you just once more (Akashi x OC)}Kuroko no Basket fanfiction

Chapter 11

Akashi's P.O.V.

I glanced at her. Her eyes were closed. She seemed so lifeless. So empty. So fragile. Like a doll...

I told myself that I am okay. That I don't feel a thing.

So small and fragile... As if she would break into millions of little pieces as soon as she would hit the ground.

But in the end there was something that bothered me...

How much could a person like she was even bear? How much pain? How much suffering? And how often would she try to repair herself? How often would she try to pick up the little pieces of her heart just to have them be broken, again?

I walked out of my house. Today was the day she would leave me... I... I wanted to apologize for what I have said yesterday...

Why... Why am I even doing this? I am supposed to hate her... I want to hurt her tiny, little body which is lying in my arms, not being able to protect itself. But why can't I? She left me when I needed her the most.

Yet... I couldn't.

Her smile that wasn't there anymore... Her soft voice which never failed to cheer me up... Her glassy eyes which looked so sad yet so clear... Her hair which was white as snow... She, herself... Everything that seemed to help me keep carrying on... Was gone. The only person who knew how weak I actually was... All of that was gone. And I was not able to bear it.

I saw how the car left. And with that also Mashiro. She is leaving.

I was walking the way back to my house. But as I crossed a small bridge, I stopped. I looked down to the river. The water was flowing at a slow pace. But for a fact I knew that the river was deep. I looked into Mashiro's face.
I wanted to let her fall. I wanted her body to hit the deep grounds of this river. I wanted her to be hurt as much as she hurt me. I wanted her to feel the same kind of pain which I felt, whenever I longed for her caring smile which wasn't there anymore.
But at the same time I couldn't let go of her.

She is leaving me behind.

Why can't I let go of her?!

I reached out for the car as it drove away. But of course I couldn't make it in time. My eyes were getting wet. But...

Everything would be fine... If I showed her the same pain I felt! If I got rid of her so that I will not have to remember that cruel feelings I felt when she was gone! So why...

I mustn't cry... But I have to.

Why...

I don't want to...

...

I don't want to let go of her.

I continued walking. The air felt cold. But Mashiro's body felt warm. And once again that feeling, as if she was the only person which would be able to keep me alive, came up.

Just how much I hated this feeling...

Mashiro's P.O.V.

I slowly was able to open my heavy eyelids. The light invaded my eyes which almost felt as if daggers were trying to make their way through my eyeballs. It took me a while until I recognized the familiarity of the place I was in. The mansion of the Akashi family.

I was laying on a couch which was placed in a huge room. The room contained a table on front of the couch, a fireplace which wasn't on fire, a few pictures hanging on the wall and a lot of other things. I glanced at the table. On it was the bag with the medicine I bought.

Only then I realized what happened. "Right... I passed out... And Akashi..." I tried to stand up, ignoring the pain which pierced right through my head. I bit my lip as I finally made it and looked around the room.

Nothing has changed at all in this place...

Back then Akashi and I always used to play in this house until some of the maids started nagging because of the mess we always made.

I glanced at a picture. On it was a red haired boy, holding a basketball in his hands while looking up and smiling to someone. And as I looked around for other pictures, I saw one of two kids. A red haired boy grinned and pinched the cheeks of a white haired girl, as if trying to make her smile with force. I took the frame which contained the picture in my hand. And as I stared at that picture I lost myself inside of my thoughts.

I want to get closer to Akashi. I want to find it out...

I tried to smile as I looked at that picture. But instead, tears were about to form.

I want to find out what truly makes him happy.

And as I put back the picture, I wiped away my tears with the sleeve of my hoodie, just to find out that it wasn't my own hoodie. It was far too big to be mine.

I want to go back to these days which never had to end with a feeling of regret.

Yet, that was the only piece of cloth that wasn't mine. My pants and my t-shirt were still the same. They felt kinda wet and cold. But the hoodie made it tolerable. It gave me warmth.

But the past is like a tune that slowly dies and will never restart again.

"No..." I am just being a burden if I stay here. I might as well leave.

I took off the hoodie, grabbed the bag with medicine and rushed to the exit. Luckily, I remembered every single corner of this huge mansion.

At least this thing hasn't changed since back then... As I was about to open the door I heard a familiar voice. "At least take the hoodie with you." I stopped walking as I saw Akashi walking down some stairs. "I don't want you to get any more sick. It just would be troublesome.

And of course I know that.

"Troublesome... I see... ", I whispered. Instead of going back to the room where I left the hoodie, I opened the door and went outside. It was still raining. But my house was close to his. So it wouldn't be a bother.

I know that nothing from back then is left. Nothing of how he used to be. Nothing of how we would treat each other. Nothing of the warmth we would feel in each other's heart whenever we saw each other.

As I reached my house I opened the door with my key. Shion hurried to me. "Are you okay?! I tried to call you but you didn't answer! You were gone for a few hours and it started raining, so I was worried!"

I smiled at how caring my little brother was. "Sorry to worry you." I walked further into the house. "I just was by an old friend of mine..."

And that is probably what hurts me the most. Not only that but also...

"An old friend?", he asked. I nodded. "Well... Back then he used to be my friend. I don't know about know, though... Maybe he isn't anymore..."

Shion stared at me as if I was an alien. Then he sighed. "Okay... If you say so... You should take a warm bath and change your clothes." I laughed softly. "Yeah... I guess..."

... His and my inability to do something against that.