My Life is Over - TWD Fanfic

paternity isn't parenthood

word count : 2821

paternity (n.) - paternal origin; birth parents of a child or infant

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We were all gorging ourselves-and I was too, and I feel shameless admitting it. It'd been weeks since I'd had a proper meal, and weeks since anyone else had as well. The canned fruits were like delicacies from another nation, and Carl and I pretended we were royals, tasting specialties from other countries. The excitement quickly wore off when we realized we wouldn't get another night, or meal, like this for a while, and that royals no longer existed, and neither did delicacies.

I quietly left him to his thoughts, good mood over, and my high of excitement faded as I sat down next to the only person who really knew my brother in the group besides Carl-Carol. Daryl was sitting next to her, and their quiet conversation cut off when I joined them. Daryl grunted, clearly a little irritated at their previous conversation ended, but Carol turned to me expectantly.

"Do you... Do you think Patrick would be proud?"

I asked her, fumbling a bit with my words. I was desperate-begging for anyone to tell me yes, yes, my brother would be proud on me, and that he was smiling down on me. However, I had long since cast off my Christian beliefs, and I'm sure everyone else had too, well, except for Gabriel, maybe, but there was something in his shift eyes that made me uncomfortable. Carol cleared her throat, searching for the right words.

"Levvy, you had to kill that man from Terminus, he was going to kill you, and then Judith, and Tyreese, if the walkers didn't get him. You understand that, right? It wasn't murder, it was self-defense."

Her voice was gentle, and my eyes welled up with frustrated tears.

"I, no, I just.."

I pressed my hands to my eyes to push back hot tears.

"My mom left me. She took my dad, and she left. No goodbyes, nothing. I used to think she was a superhero, but she wasn't. She wasn't a good person, and she wasn't a good mom. She was selfish. Patrick, Patrick, was a superhero. He still loved her, even when we realized what she'd done, and I just... I let hate fester up, Carol. I hate her and miss her so much it hurts."

I was practically begging her, as tears began to pace their way down my cheeks. I wasn't sure what I was begging her for-comfort? Approval? Something to tell me I wasn't a horrible person for hating my mom and not wanting to forgive her? She merely sighed, about to speak, but I cut her off, voice growing angry, though not with her. I was angry, so, so angry, with myself.

"And I-I called Maggie mom today. I didn't even notice it-it just slipped out when she was holding me. And I don't know what to do, because my real mom's gone, and I... I love Maggie, but I don't know what to do."

I sobbed, and she pulled me into her arms, soothing me quietly.

"An-and I can't tell her how much I miss Beth and wish Beth were here to help me because Beth's her sister, and no matter how much I miss her, she'll always miss her more, and she'll be sad, and-and then--"

Carol drew me into her chest, holding me tighter as I choked through my sobs.

"Oh, Leighton.. You sweet, sweet girl... You haven't done anything wrong, sweetheart. You can love someone you've known for a week just as much as you love someone you've known your whole life. Nothing can compare your love for Beth to Maggie's love for Beth-she... She knows you care, and you know she cares, and that's enough."