Forever Changed

Chapter 10

She intends on meeting him at his apartment later on that night. She's been in meetings with IAB and Garland all afternoon, and she's tired. Today has been a fucking shit show.

She thanks her security detail as they escort her to his apartment door. She uses the key that he'd put in her pocket early this morning, throws it on a nearby table as she crosses the threshold. His apartment is quiet, lights in the kitchen are dim and her leather jacket still sits draped over his sofa in the living room.

But he's here. She knows it as soon as she arrives. Her blood is never as warm, and her heart is never as over-worked when Elliot Stabler is in the vicinity.

"Olivia." Her head spins to where he stands in the corner of the living room. His blazer and tie are absent, and he looks as though he's been waiting all day for this confrontation.

Her blood boils at the sight of him, and she strides over to where he stands, furious with both Elliot and herself.

She wants to slap him, she wants him to feel just an ounce of pain that she is so used to with him, but she doesn't raise her hands or her voice. She just stares, face inches from his with a look that even he hasn't seen before.

And then she steps back, and he sees it in her eyes, the restraint that she holds in not reacting with volatility. He admires it, and it's just another thing he has to add to the list.

"What were you thinking?" she murmurs, and the low volume of her voice is a stark contrast to the fire bristling within her face. It sends chills down his spine.

"I wasn't thinking... I just saw red, and I couldn't control myself. I'm sorry, Liv."

She's silent for a moment, and then she begins to pace.

"I'm gonna hand in my papers and make it easier for everyone involved. I don't want you to go through IAB – again, and I don't want anyone to be harmed by this."

"You didn't think of that before you walked into my interrogation room and assaulted the perpetrator?"

"No. I didn't."

"Don't you dare blame this on anybody else, except for yourself. That includes the perp and Lewis. This is all on you, Elliot."

"I agree."

"You could be banned forever by NYPD for all of this. You could be sued."

"I know."

"What were you thinking? I mean, seriously? Tell me what was running through your head at the time." She's deliberately patronizing him with her hand movements and the tone of her voice because she wants him to react somehow, but he doesn't, he just stands there, guilty and accepting. It irritates her.

"I don't think you really want to know."

"Tell me!" she shrieks.

"When he got to the bit with the cigarette buds, the keys, the alcohol, I knew then I should have gotten out of there, but I literally couldn't move. It wasn't until he described the second kidnapping.. I.." he hesitates, his eyes searching hers for validation.

"It's okay. I've lived it over and over in my head, it won't hurt to hear it one more time." she bites, her voice bitter.

"It wasn't exactly what he was saying that urged me to lose control, it was the way he was saying it. Like he was so proud of himself, and he was so convinced that he was there, even when Rollins kept interrupting him, he just wouldn't shut up."

"So, you had to shut him up yourself."

Elliot nods, guilty.

"That doesn't excuse what you did."