Finding Home || bxb

28

But I did like the way Roman took my bottom lip between his and bit down, pulling my lip with him as he pulled away, before he came back to dive his tongue into my mouth. I was feeling brave, so I ran my hand down his chest before I cupped his member over his jeans, but then I wasn't so brave when he pulled away.

"H...hang on," he said breathless. "I thought we could just hang out for a bit before we actually did anything. I don't want you to think that you're just like here so I can get off," Roman explained. How sweet he was.

"You can use me to get off, I don't mind," I replied just as breathless. He was already nicer than every guy I'd been with combined, and we took like a month to have our first kiss, so I didn't feel like he was using me for anything, but I was more than okay with him using me if he wanted.

"I can't. I don't... I'm a relationship kinda guy you know, like I've only ever had one one-night stand and I felt terrible the next day. Even if you don't feel like I'm using you, I don't like feeling like I am. So, let's just hang out for a bit, there's so much more I still want to know about you."

Obsessed. I was obsessed. I've been trying so hard not to let the feeling consume me as of late but hearing Roman's words just solidified that there was no going back for me. Roman would have to do something truly terrible, or turn his back to me, for me to ever let him go now. He could use me all he wanted, and I wouldn't care, so long as he held me afterwards and told me in the quiet silences of two people falling that he still wanted to know more about me.

"I've never been in a relationship," I admitted feeling almost like I could tell him every embarrassing thing I could think of now. Not that I thought not being in a relationship was embarrassing. It just felt embarrassing for me knowing how many guys I'd been with were too many at this point that I could even produce an accurate number, and still being able to say with confidence that my list of people I'd been in relationships with consisted of no one.

"Really?"

"Yeah. But anyway, we could do stuff, and then talk, or 'hang out, as you say, and then do more stuff," I said, well aware of how desperate I sounded.

"Someone's a bit eager," Roman teased running his fingers through my hair gently. I didn't care. If I let anyone ruin my curls, it would be him.

"It's been a while, okay."

"How long is a while?"

"Like close to a year."

"How come?"

I shrugged and snuggled closer into him. "Decided I was done with guys until I met one that actually liked me."

"I actually like you," Roman said like I didn't know. I knew. I told him I knew. "I find it hard to believe that no one else liked you properly."

"No one else liked me enough to- wait," I said stopping mid-sentence. "Is this us hanging out. Is this you getting to know more about me?"

"Maybeeee," Roman teased, his soft laughter reverberating around my head. I wanted to capture the sound in a bottle and listen to it on rainy days when I was alone and needed to be reminded that there was sweet happiness all around me.

"Dick," I said pushing his shoulder back again. "You distracted me. I was in the middle of trying to seduce you." This time he caught hold of my hand and kissed my palm fondly. My heart was so giddy.

"You can get to my dick later, now keep talking."

"This feels like a weird interrogation," I said as he held my hand to his chest, hugging it close.

"But you'll get a pretty sweet reward at the end, so keep going."

I sighed faking annoyance and carried on. "I don't know what I'm meant to say. Just no one liked me enough to make me their boyfriend, you know. But I think it was a good thing, because I've only slept with a handful of people my age. I guess... I guess the first guy I was with kind of fucked me over. I used to make fake tinder or grindr profiles where I said I was older, and I didn't care how old the other guy was, I just wanted them to be interested in me, which they were but only interested in my body."