Broken timeline

Return

I knew why he was doing it, and it made me feel safe. Part of me wanted to feel his arms around me, but I was still scared and still felt ashamed. He held my hand and made the low vibration sound as I drifted off to a thankfully dreamless sleep.

Loki's POV

I watched her as she slept, pushing her nightmares away gently. I know I can't do it forever, but for tonight at least I could give her one night of rest. Her eyes fluttered every once in a while, but the vibration from my chest seemed to soothe her. I'd never even known I could make the sound until the night my Jötunn form broke through, but I loved the way she responded to it. I wanted to touch her so badly. To pull her against me and close out the world, but I knew she needed time to heal. I'd wait as long as she needed me to. Thanks to her mothers, we really did have forever now.

She slept in the next morning and I slipped out to make her breakfast. I almost dropped the tray when I heard her crying. I rushed in finding her on the floor sobbing. "Runa, what happened, what's wrong?" I reached for her hand, but she pulled away with a slight hiss.

"You, you were gone. I thought, you...that you didn't," she sobbed. How could I have been so stupid? She thought I'd left her when she didn't see me in the room.

"My love, please, listen to me," I inched closer to her, but didn't make a move to touch her this time. "I will never leave you unless you ask me to. I can't take away what happened, but I still love you. I will always love you, elskede." She finally lifted her eyes to mine. I tried to make her see I wanted her to feel safe, but I could still see so much fear and confusion in her eyes.

Runa reached her hand towards mine slowly. I didn't move back, but I also didn't move towards her. I really wasn't sure what I should do. Every fiber of my being screamed to press her against my chest, but I feared she would vanish in a fit of panic if I did it. So I waited. Waited for her to set the pace and let me know what she was comfortable with.

She finally took my hand in hers, intertwining our fingers. "Please don't leave me again. I know I'm not making this easy, but I can't," her words trailed off for a moment. "Do you remember when we first went to Yggdrasil? Do you remember how I told you I couldn't tell what was real or not?" I nodded, rubbing small circles on her hand with my thumb. "I need you to help me know what's real," she whispered as she pulled my hand to her face.

I let my thumb wipe away a tear, "This is real, my love." She sobbed against my hand. "May I hold you?" I asked hesitantly. She nodded and scooted closer. I gently pressed her against my chest, letting the vibrations begin again. I could feel her relaxing and softly pressed my lips to her hair.

I held her for what seemed hours before I realized the sun was setting. "You need to eat, love," I prodded gently. "Would you prefer to eat in here or go down with the others?" She surprised me when she decided to go downstairs. I sent a quick mental message to Nat. I knew she would keep the others in check. No one but me knew what Thanos had done to her, and it was not my place to share those details.

I waited in the room while she dressed in the bathroom. When she came out I was surprised to see her wearing one of my shirts over her jeans. She must have seen my raised eyebrows. "It smells like you. It makes me feel safe," she whispered. I felt a swelling in my chest at her words. She knew I would keep her safe, even with all her fears and doubts, she still trusted me and I wasn't going to let her down again.  

Runa's POV

Loki kept his word. He stayed by my side for the next few weeks, helping me keep a firm grasp on what was real or just in my head. One night at dinner, Steve had used the term 'little goddess' and I had freaked out, scrambling backward, knocking over chairs and anything in my way trying to get away from him. When Loki finally managed to get me against his chest and into our bedroom, it took him hours to convince me we were really in the tower and I was safe. When we finally came down the next day, the mess had been cleaned and Steve was sporting a black eye and split lip. Apparently, Nat had made sure he understood just how insensitive his words were.

How much do they know? I asked Loki with my eyes looking downward.

Only what you've told them, love. If you wish them to know more, you can tell them, or I can tell them for you. He reached out to take my hand, making those small circles he always did to calm me.  Would it help if Nat or Wanda knew, since they're women and might be able to relate better?

I knew his heart was in the right place. He felt like he couldn't give me all the support I needed. Can you tell Nat? I'm not sure I can handle everyone knowing, but she won't give me the pathetic look like some of them do. He nodded and gave me a quick kiss on my cheek, then stood to direct Nat to a more private area.

I watched as he told Nat. He kept our connection wide open so I knew exactly what he was telling her. He didn't give the intimate details but did let her know of the torture, rape, and mind control. I could see Nat's face contort in rage as she struggled to maintain herself. She looked up and caught my eyes, then motioned for me to come to them.

"Cестра, I would raise the bastard from the dead and dismember him piece by piece if I thought it would ease your pain," she gave me a tight hug. "If you need anything that this one," she jerked her thumb towards Loki, "cannot do for you, just let me know. Maybe some training would help. I always enjoy punching things," she chuckled.

I gave a small laugh when she suggested punching things. I had to admit, it did sound like a good idea. I gave her a hug back and then leaned against Loki's chest. Nat went to sit back in the common area. "Thank you," I told him, feeling his arms wrap around my waist lightly.

He nuzzled the top of my head, "I only want to do what will help you heal, Runa. You need to know that everyone in that room, including me, loves you. They would move heaven and earth if you asked them for help. But alas my little puzzle, I know you too well. You won't ask, so it is my job to give what you need." His lips pressed against my temple.

Well, he wasn't wrong. I've never been good at asking for help. I'm usually better at running away.

We spent a couple of months at the tower. Nat kept my secret, but she did tell the others to tread lightly around me and any mentions of Thanos. Without giving details she reminded them of his tendency for torture. I'm not sure if their own imaginations were even close or worse than the truth, but I didn't want to broadcast it to the world either.

After a while, I could go long periods of time without being in direct contact with Loki. I felt bad for being such a burden. "Love, do you really think I'd be far from you either way? Since the day we met, we've been almost inseparable, why should now be any different." He had a point.

I lifted the covers when he came to bed. He hesitated, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, please," I needed to feel him close to me again. That night I fell asleep with Loki's arms wrapped around me and I felt safe.