I realised that as I have gotten older,
I have started to compare myself to normative standards of where I think I should be at this point in my life by now.
And because I have not met those standards I feel ashamed of my journey and where I am right now.
As a result I push people who knew me before away because I do not want them to look at me and ask themselves what happened,
Because I was so talented and had so much potential and now I feel so stagnant, my mental health fluctuates and I do not know what I am doing or where I am going almost all of the time.
So I have gone years without speaking to people, not intentionally, but because I haven't been able to get past the phrase "hello how are you?" Without answering "good."
03.02.2021
