I woke up to the sound of ocean waves hitting the top of my head.
I sat up with a groan. I looked around and I was on the beach, absolutely freezing. I looked around for my wind breaker, wondering why I didn't have it on. And then I froze, how did I get here? Why am I on the beach? Why am I hungover?
I looked around frantically and then I saw Pacey. I furrowed my brows. Why is he here? And then I remembered, Pacey knocking on my window with rocks making and me go to a stupid party. And that's it, that's all I remember. What happened? I licked my lips, noticing that my lips were swollen.
My lips are swollen.
My lips are swollen.
So swollen that they felt two times bigger and they painfully hurt. And I knew that they were a deep purple.
That can only mean one thing.
I kissed someone. Hard.
But who?
I suddenly remembered vaguely being on top of him.
Kissing him.
Him taking off my jacket .
His hands on my waist.
My hands under his shirt.
No. No. No! This is all wrong!
My thoughts were interrupted by Pacey waking up. "Ugh what happened?"
I was frozen. I couldn't stop staring at him.
"What?" Pacey asked in confusion. I didn't say anything, I couldn't.
"Is there something on my face?" He rubbed at his face.
"Don't tell me you drew a mustache." He said, trying to lighten the mood.
"We-we-we-we-"
"We what woman? Spit it out." And then it dawned on him. His face contorted as he remembered what happened last night.
"Oh, we'll shit." Pacey said, his face turning red.
I was suddenly really angry. "What? That's all you have to say? 'We'll shit'?"
"I don't know what to say Joey, we were drunk." Pacey said with a shrug.
"All because you brought me to this fucking party." I said.
"So it's all my fault?"
I could not believe the nerve of this little punk. How dare he? Say that it's not his fault. "We wouldn't be here if it weren't for you pacey."
"So what? I wanted to cheer you up and a mistake happened that was out of our control and it's my fault?"
"Why wouldn't it be pacey? Why'd you bring me here anyway? To get me all liquored up?" I knew it wasn't true but I was angry.
"Are you saying I tried taking advantage of you?"
"I don't know what to think! You woke me up in The middle of the night to go to some party. And next thing I know I woke up remembering that I kissed Pacey witter."
Pacey gave me a deathly smile. "Believe it or not my intentions were honest."
"How am I supposed to believe what you say? You say you're my friend and then you make out with me, while I'm very intoxicated."
"I was plastered too!" Pacey closed his eyes and took a breath.
"Ok I just think we need to take a step back. This situation that happened between us was a mistake. Let's talk about it, peacefully like adults."
I could tell by the way he said it that he didn't mean it. And I don't know why it hurt me a little when he said it was a mistake. And then that made me think of the one person I didn't want to think about. "What about Dawson?"
Pacey looked taken aback, like he almost forgot. "Do you want to tell him?"
I almost cried at the thought of me telling Dawson that me and his best friend made out. "No."
"Yeah thought so. I don't want to tell Dawson either, so how about what he doesn't know won't hurt him."
I looked at the sun and I thought it looked a little too high in the sky. I checked the time on my watch, 10:30. "Oh shit!" I stood up abruptly. I looked my around for my other shoe, while I tossed on my jacket.
"Where are you going?" Pacey asked, still sitting.
"In case you forgot pacey I have a BnB to run and I probably have a very angry very worried sister at home. But I don't owe you an explanation." I found my shoe put it on and was about to run home when I realized that I was in the middle of nowhere.
I sighed and slowly turned around. Pacey was looking still surprised at what just happened. "Can you give me a ride home?"
"Oh so you want my help?" Pacey said.
I nodded too embarrassed to say anything.
Pacey laughed. "Don't worry I am perfectly capable of doing that. Did you know I'm also capable of taking advantage of girls when their drunk?"
"Whatever Pacey just give me a ride and we'll never talk again."
"That sounds fantastic." We both angrily walked over to his car. And ignored each other the whole ride.
***
While Pacey was driving that left me a lot of time to think. I shouldn't have accused him of taking advantage of me, that was rude. He would never do such a thing. He may sound all tough but he's the perfect gentleman. He always holds the door for me when we're at school. He sometimes calls me milady, but that's just to piss me off. I love the way he calls me potter and Josephine. When he "helped" me with my vandalized painting and he bought me a wall, I really loved that. I told him thank you but I never really said how much I appreciated it.
Thinking about all these things about Pacey made me realize just how much he cares for me. Like he really cares for me. Maybe he cares enough to like like me. But no that's impossible he hates me... right? Besides even if he did like me there's Dawson that will get in the way of that. I can't imagine the look on his face if he finds out.
The shame I feel for what happened last night is never ending. I tried in vain to remember what happened. I remember Pacey handing me a drink, me chugging the drink. That led to this weird drinking game to see who could drink the most alcohol. We would dare each other to do crazy things like drinking ocean water or pantsing a stranger, Pacey got in a fight for that one. Mainly because the guy had a less than par sweaty something.
If you exclude the kissing I actually had a lot of fun last night. Yet again I am reminded of kissing Pacey. As much as I'd like to deny it, Pacey is an insanely good kisser, much better than Dawson. He was so gentle with me. Even when he was drunk he knew not to try anything crazy. A part of me wanted to go back to when he was kissing me. I quickly shooed away the thought. This can't happen, not that I want it to.
We got to my house. I stepped out of his car and was about to walk away, but then I stopped myself. I should apologize for what I said. I turned around and said, "Look Pace about what I said earlier I didn't mean-" Pacey drove off before I could finish. Tears sprung my eyes involuntarily. I have never seen Pacey this mad, at least not at me.
Refusing to cry I walked into my house expecting to find Bessie in the kitchen. But all I found was a note on the fridge. "Our guests left early, Gone grocery shopping we'll be back around noon." The note said. I sighed in relief, I thought I was done for.
***
