Can't Trust Summer

(11) Unbearable Unhappiness

The changing of things in the house, the lack of interest in the things she loved, the growing apart... Anna could not handle all of it and every day seemed to get worse for her as she tried so hard to shove it all down.

Anna went to the only place she knew nobody would find her at. The treehouse. It was the only place she had where she could just let it all out - all the thoughts, feelings, and memories... Anna circled dinohenge twice before finally stopping at the bottom of the treehouse. She climbed right up and hid in the rundown space while she thought about how much she continued to screw up with her father.

Anna was unhappy - and the only person who knew was herself. How could she tell her father that everything his soon to be wife was doing felt like she was trying to replace her own mother? How did she tell the woman she didn't want her around anymore because it made her miss her own mother every second and every day?

She shut her eyes tightly as she brought her knees up to her chest. She bounced one foot against the wood, feeling her hands shake as she placed them on her knees. The tears were streaming down her cheeks as she sat there. Not a single wind blew through the air as the heat pooled around her. The summer air was brutal and still. Anna didn't know what to do about any of it - she needed to be as far away as she could. Somewhere in a place where she couldn't think or even remember.

Unable to sit still, Anna stood up and started pacing. The tears were still coming down as if they were to naturally be there. Out of pure frustration, Anna came to a stop and ran her hands through her hair just as she let out the loudest scream she could possibly voice. Quiet echoes of her voice rang out into the air, disappearing just as randomly as her decision to scream.

She plopped back down on the platform, laying back until she was staring up at the treetops. Her breathing was heavy - her chest raised with each deep breath she tried and failed to suck in. Though she was lying very still, she felt like she was all over the place. Everything seemed to be moving a mile a minute. It felt like any second, the sky was going to come crashing down on her and her world was going to end - even thought it was her own mind playing tricks on her and making it nearly impossible for her to voice her opinions or feelings without sounding like an ungrateful little brat to the ones she loved the most.

Anna knew going home right now was only going to create more problems. She should have just told them what was going on instead of storming off but she could hardly keep her thoughts straight enough to process, let alone tell another person.

"Anna, are you alright? What's wrong? Was that you who screamed?" Anna groaned at Javi's voice. She wanted him to go away.

Not right now Javi.

His voice grew closer and she knew he was climbing up the ladder to see if she was okay.

Go away Javi.

"Anna was that you who screamed? What's wrong?" Javi asked.

Silence. She could not find the courage to speak to him. She didn't want to talk to him. She felt like she'd just screw things up with him too - not that he even probably cared about what was going on with her.

"Anna, you're scaring me." Javi told her.

She swallowed hard, trying to ignore him standing there above her.

"I'm going to call the police if you don't answer me." Javi looked down at her.

"Go away please. I'm fine." She lied.

"I'm not going anywhere until I'm sure you're okay. This is the second time now that I've found you here this upset and I'm worried that something is really wrong." he told her.

"Everything's fine," Anna sat up, "Please just go away. I don't need you here, making things worse."

Ugh, nice one Anna. He didn't even do anything wrong and you're making it sound like he did.

Instead of leaving like Anna wanted him too, he sat down and then laid right next to her. He didn't speak another word but rather stared up to the sky with her. She fought against the tears that were still pouring. She didn't want to cry in front of Javi - she didn't want to show any emotion at all. She just wanted to forget all about it. She wanted an escape but couldn't find one within reason.

Anna consumed all the silence she could before Javi tried figuring out what was going on again. She couldn't talk to him right now. She was not in the right mindset and she had already probably ruined her potential crush on him so she didn't want to make it worse on herself.

She sat up slightly, letting out a quiet sigh as she rubbed the backs of her hands on her cheeks - trying to dry the tear stains as she sniffled. She glanced at Javi, who was thankfully looking away from her, and then back to the open space beyond the treehouse. She picked at her bottom lip with her teeth and started messing with the collar of her shirt. She felt like it was constricting her, but for obvious reasons, she couldn't just rip it off like she had wanted to do.

"Anna," Javi cleared his throat, "I don't exactly know what's going on and you don't have to tell me... but can I at least stay with you while you sit here? I don't want you to be alone. Something seems like it's really bothering you and I just think it would be better if someone was with you."

Anna looked back at him, studying his eyes and the expression on his face. His hair fell flat to his head and hung in his eyes as he looked through strands at her. She stared into the colors of his eyes - feeling the concern radiating off him. The wrinkles on his forehead and the scrunch of his nose in his frown caught her attention.

She nodded, "I don't want to go home."

"Why not?" he wondered.

"It's just a lot - not anything bad like you might be thinking. I just want to stay here, okay?" she sighed.

"Fine," he nodded, "we can stay here. But you have to let me call your dad and tell him that you're somewhere safe. I won't tell him where we are, but he needs to know that you're okay."

"Did he call you again?" Anna asked.

"Yeah," Javi admitted, "But he just wanted to see if you had come over to our house. I didn't know what was going on but I decided to check here again."

"Promise me you won't tell him." Anna grabbed his arm.

"Did he hurt you?" Javi questioned.

"No - it's nothing like that. I promise. I just don't want to be around him or Linda right now. They don't understand." Tears started sweltering in her eyes again.

"They can't understand if you don't talk about it." he pointed out.

"It doesn't matter." she sighed, letting go of Javi's arm and lowering her head, "Do whatever you have too."

She rested her head on the railing and shut her eyes. Anna had no intention of going home anytime soon. It almost seemed unbearable to go back to a place where she didn't even feel accepted anymore. Every trace of the life she once knew was starting to slip away and Anna started to feel herself slipping with it.

Even though she couldn't admit it, she appreciated Javi sitting there with her. He was starting to understand that Anna was not always the open book she seemed to be and she had secrets just like everyone else that she kept bottled up. Secrets that would eat her alive if she didn't start working through them.

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