When There Is Hope

(17)Hope Is Shy

After a 15 minutes drive we were at a tulip field and it was beautiful. When i went out of the car Nicòlo suddenly picked me up and made me sit on the car bonnet. I was startled for a second until he joined me.

I couldn't help myself and took out my phone and starting talking pictures. I don't know why but my gallery is filled with so many pics of nature , flowers and sky. I love taking pictures of them. It's satisfying.

Nicòlo took out our drinks and chips (aka french fries). With the view and the tasty drink and company of Nicòlo for the first time it was a comfortable silence.

"Do you know when you were born?" He asked after a very prolonged silence.

I just shook my head still looking at the beautiful flowers in front of me.

"You were born on 9 November, 2007 at
9: 34 pm in Italy."
Since i was from the orphanage, i never really knew when my birthday was and my step parents just wished me on 1 Jan only. It felt good knowing that someone remembers when you were born and missed you.
"You were 4.9lb and the most smallest thing we had ever seen. Our parents never checked the gender before birth, they wanted to be surprised as always"
He paused And i couldn't help but look at him urging him to continue.
"When Alonzo was born i think our parents were done with children but you were a surprise. We were excited but the moment you were born and we got to know that you were a girl, it felt different. When a brother is born you get a felling of companionship with him but with a sister it's so much more and i didn't knew why"

I couldn't help but agree. This feelings of comfort and safety i get from them is amazing.

"When papa brought you only Riccardo took you in his arms we just looked at you. We were scared that we would hurt you. You were the smallest baby i had seen and i had seen three more prior to you." He said with a chuckle which i joined.

"But when you were 3 weeks old, you started recognising Riccardo and his touch and believe it or not i was very jealoused. At that time no one had tried to pick you up except for Riccardo. So one day i went into your room and placed a lot of pillows on the floor. Then with all the courage that i had i picked you up in my arms. I was 7 at that time without any adult supervision but it was the most beautiful moment of my life"

I was speechless. His words and eyes for the first time in forever were the most beautiful shade. It was the shade of love and adoration. Maybe i was bipolar or maybe he was but next thing I knew i was giving him a hug. He was surprised but being in his arms felt like i was in the most protected place in the world. I didn't pull away and neither did he.

"Soon you were growing on me too. And i loved to be around you and play with you. But at the age of 3 you got kidnapped and i was scared. For a 10 years old i considered myself pretty fearless but when i got to know that you were dead i felt like my heart stopped working and grasping for air felt impossible. That was the first time i had a panick attack." The way he said it was so nonchalant but i could feel his pain.

All of my brother's wether i remember or not had a deep connection with me which i could feel. I tighten my hold on his waist and he just lifted me on his lap. His massive frame made me feel like a little baby but i was not embarrassed, instead i relished on the feeling of being held like a baby with care and love for the first time in my life.

"You coming back was the whole world to me. A miracle, a magic which i am eternally grateful for. And i am sorry for not reaching out to you earlier. I may be older but i am not good with handling my emotions too much. But i think i am ready to get my sh*t straight and be the older brother you deserve and i hope you let me in"
His eyes for the first time showed desperation, determination and love. With that i knew my answer write away.
"I would love too"
I told him while grinning.
The rest of the time we talked a little bit it was mostly silence. A very comfortable silence.
Back at home all my brother's were there and were discussing something.

Everything seemed perfect in my life but with this also came a feeling of uneasiness that it is bound to get worst. I hope it did not
My Hope was shy to be out for the world to see but i was glad that i had Hope to see myself be better.

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