The Dick & Don Show: S1

EPISODE 06: Masculine Masquerade

An awkward silence passes for a second but no more before Don's aunt quickly correct Dashlie, saying her sister has sadly passed away. Dashlie apologizes profusely and then changes the subject, making small talk and asking Don's aunt how long she will be in town, and she says only today since she's on her way to New York to visit the rest of the family and wanted to stop by and visit her favorite nephew. Dashlie nods, saying she finds that interesting, before Segwaying into Don's clothing, asking what he's wearing, to which he gives a similar response he gave Dick.

The two stare each other down, trying to read one another's minds, before Don's aunt gets uncomfortable and asks if there's an ice cream parlor around here. Dashlie says yes and points her in that direction, also saying how she's getting off of work soon and would love to join them. Don's aunt loves that idea, as it'll give her time to get to know Don's friends a little more, but she asks Don first if it's ok, to which he reluctantly says it is. The two then head off, Dashlie soon following them

Dashlie runs into Dick on her way out. He says he's skipping work because he hates it there anyways and also is trying to find Don, as he had been acting weird and it really stuck with him for a long time. Dashlie teases Dick about Don being on his mind all day, and Dick just scoffs, saying he had been having a decent day until Don came in acting all weird. Dashlie agrees, saying they need to figure out what's really going on. Dick takes a moment to look at her, asking if that's a little invasive. Dashlie notes how he was on his way to do that anyways, wasn't he, and Dick sighs, reluctantly agreeing, before Dashlie leads him to the ice cream parlor

Back in Don's perspective, Don had ordered a simple dipped cone, as he really didn't have an appetite today. Don's aunt worries about him for a moment, noting how he hasn't eaten all day and he's all skin and bones (she wraps her pointer finger and thumb around his wrist, still having a bit of room). Don shakes her away, saying he eats fine, it's just today he's been feeling a little under the weather. Don's aunt asks if that'd why his friends think he's acting a bit strange, and he says he guesses.

That's when Dick and Dashlie arrive. They order and take a seat outside, Don sitting by Dick on instinct and Don's aunt sitting by Dashlie. Don's aunt notes how the weather is nice before jumping in and asking if Dashlie is Don's girlfriend. Dick chokes on his slushee and Dashlie also chokes on her ice cream before laughing, saying no while Don sits there, a bit shocked that his aunt had just asked that. Don's aunt says she was just wondering because it had seemed like forever since he had a girlfriend, and she goes on to say that Don was a real ladies man in high school, listing off girl's names, saying things like "Jolene was cute and nice, why did you ever break up with her?", "I liked that girl Scarlett, she was fierce. I thought you two were great together!", or "Margaret was a real catch, wasn't she? Why'd you let her go?"

Dick says he never took Don to be a player like that, and Don is just melting then and there, wishing to disappear as he shrugs and says he wasn't really much of a player. Don's aunt laughs at that and says he totally was. It was like he dated girls just to break their hearts; Dashlie says that's cold hearted. Don says it wasn't ever like that, he just broke up with them because he just found them boring. Don's aunt reminds him of a few girls that were very interesting, and he just says they mustn't have been interesting enough for him and maybe one day some girl will come along and put up with him.

Don's aunt then brings up Dousie, asking what ever happened to her. Don reminds her that she had stalked him and tried to burn his apartment down because she thought he was cheating on her with Dashlie, and when they broke up she continued to stalk him up until they moved for reasons unrelated. Don's aunt hisses, feeling awkward, but then says she was cute at least, and Don shrugs, saying he guesses

Dick notices Don has yet to touch his ice cream, which is melting already. As Don's aunt and Dashlie chat, Dick asks Don if he's going to ear his ice cream, and Don just says he isn't hungry. Dick leans in (making something stir inside Don a bit) and asks what's been going on, and Don assures him that it's nothing, he can have his ice cream if he wants. Dick wraps an arm around Don to pull him in and let him know he's being serious (this only makes the feeling inside Don even stronger) and says how if something is going on, Don can tell him, because something is obviously wrong. Dick looks up and happens to catch Dashlie's gaze, and he pulls away from Don to speak out loud and asks Don's aunt if it's alright if they pull him aside for a moment for a quick chat. Don says he doesn't need to, that they're being ridiculous, but she agrees

Dick and Dashlie confront Don, asking what is up with him. He is annoyed beyond belief at this point, wondering what their deal is that they feel the need to intrude in his personal life. They say they are just worried about him, and he says that can wait until tomorrow, it is just one day, but Dashlie is persistent, saying she needs answers now, cutting Dick off when he was making a move to let up. Dick looks at her and says it's his life and they really shouldn't be doing this in the first place, they are ruining his day with his aunt.

Dashlie says there is no day to enjoy when he's in distress and clearly not happy. Don says it's really none of her business, Dashlie says it is, Dick says it isn't. Dashlie will not give up, saying he isn't being himself and needs to fess up, and Don finally cracks under the pressure. Don says he can't let his family know about the clothes he wears because they'd seem "unmasculine" or "a disgrace to the family name." Dick is boggled by that, saying it's just clothes and wondering why it should even matter what he wears. Don finally snaps and says it just does. Neither Dick nor Dashlie know what it was like living in that household, a family that loves only one side of him but not the whole picture. He doesn't want to lose the one person who knows what it was like losing his mother just because of something stupid like the clothes he wears.

Don's aunt overhears this and asks Don if that is true, if Don really feels that way. Don is panicking as she approaches, but she just laughs, noting how he was being weird the entire day like he was hiding something, very badly at that. Don feels bad, saying he didn't want her to be ashamed of him. Don's aunt assures him that she doesn't care about the clothes he wears, she's just happy to spend time with her nephew. He has his own life, his own personality. What Dick said was right, it doesn't matter what clothes Don wears, it should only matter to himself. The two hug for a second or two and Don tells her to not tell the family, and she says she will die before she tells them anything he doesn't want them to

After that, the episode ends with Don's aunt saying they should head back and Don should put on the clothes he feels more comfortable wearing. Don makes a comment about how much he hates flannels.

Dick and Dashlie watch them go, Dashlie wondering if they should follow them. Dick looks at her and says they aren't following anybody, and Dashlie crossed a line back there. Don didn't owe them any information and the way she pressed him like that despite the fact he was unhappy about it was disrespectful. Dashlie just snickers, saying "look who's talking, Mr. Judgmental."

Dick starts to say that that's a completely different situation than the conversation they are having now, but Dashlie cuts him off, saying it all ended up perfectly in the end, so what's the harm that was done? Dick says that it could've ended awfully, Don's aunt couldn't have come in at that moment and Don would've stormed off, losing his trust in them and ruining the one day he has with his aunt. Dashlie just smiles and says that it didn't happen, so there's nothing to worry about.

Dick watches her skip away, blood boiling at her attitude and deciding to go home for the day

A/N: that awkward moment when you're gay and Italian and your friends won't stfu about your stupid clothes when you just wanna spend time with your dead mom's sister