Love That Ain't Enough [BXB]

Prologue

Perceval Cadiz Guillermo

'I genuinely love you, but you prefer her... It's difficult to go on when you're the one who gives me hope in the form of confused feelings. Why should I have to suffer as a result of my unrequited love for you? I have many suitors, but you're the only one I've fallen for.' I wanted to say it directly in front of him, while staring at the woman who had just accepted his proposal to her.

I wanted to take the ring and put it on my finger, baka at  nag ba-baka sakali lang na mabago ko pa ang sitwasyon sa pananabik nilang mapakasalan ang isa't isa sa mismong harapan ko.

However, I did not do it. I'm standing here for them, plastically smiling for them, facing the reality na hinding hindi siya mapupunta sa akin, dahil sa iba ako? Hindi, sa kadahilanang hindi ako ang minamahal niya ng lubusan.

Ang hirap huminga ng maayos, binabara ng aking paghinga ang sagot sa katotohanang ako ang dahilan kung paano nagsimula ang lahat  hanggang sa dulo ng kanilang pagmamahalan.

"Val, she agreed to marry me and wanting to be with me for the rest of her life! Thank you so much! I love you! Thank you, really, I truly appreciated your assistance with this proposal." He hugged and kissed me on the cheek, which surprised me for a brief of moment and prompted me to looked at the woman he had just proposed to, who rolled her eyes at me.

What an ugly bitch. He is so green flag, why just her? Did he deserve her? Well, I do deserve him kaso hindi siya napunta sa akin, that makes me wanted to say "Sayang" 'cause hello ako na 'to? But realizing that he's as straight as a pole of what I had been imagining for him to be.

And I just showed my smile at him and excused myself for the filthy moments I'd seen enough. Hinayaan kong mismong paa ko ang gumalaw padiretso papuntang 'Gender equality restroom' upang mailabas ang kanina pang pinipigilang sakit na nararamdaman ng puso ko.

Nang matungo ko ang aking paroroonan ay isinara ko ang pinto nang padabog na para bang walang tao sa paligid ko, silently embracing the cold air as if it was meant for me to feel it more over, like my heart can't take the broken pieces that is shattering piece by piece.

It's difficult to stand up straight in this situation, obviously knowing that I'm gay of course reality slapped me hard by the truth for me to understand na kailangan ko ng magising sa kahibangan kong makakapag HIWALAY pa sila. That even if my heart throb in a lot torture of loving him but seeing him smile again and again, got me thinking, what did I do to deserve this? Nagmahal lang din ako. May puso rin akong ginagabayan para sa pusong nangangailangan ng kapalit na pagmamahal, ngunit iba atang kapalit ang nakuha ko, kung 'di ang sakit na kahit kailan ay walang makakapantay sa pagmamahal na more than a friend na gustong gusto kong makuha mula sa kanya.

Am I selfish? Loud and clear ko kaseng naririnig na parang gusto ko siyang ipagkait sa kanya kahit hindi pwede.

I closed my eyes, wanting to forget all of my feelings I have for him, "I am afraid of losing you, why can't I give you up? Now that you're marrying her, it hurts like hell for me, Harry. Wala ba talaga akong puwang sa puso mo? Hindi na ba ako kasya? Baka madadaan pa sa surgery, hindi kaya?" Natawa ako sa naiisip ko, ganito siguro epekto ng kabaliwan ko sa kanya.

Kaya kong mag salita mag isa at kausapin ang kanyang imahe sa gusto kong malaman niyang nararamdaman ko.

Ganito siguro kapag depende pa rin ang sitwasyon mo sa lahat ng nangyayari. Parang ang bilis ng panahon, kahapon lang magkaibigan pa kami. Nngayon, wala pa rin palang pinagbago magkaibigan pa rin kami.

I wanted to chase the word, ' be positive' pero kung ang epekto niya sa akin ay negative ay talagang hindi move forward ang magyayari sa akin kung 'di consequences.

"this time, I'll be focusing on the goal taht I've been planning to do, as well as to start a new things for the beginning of me moving on." 'Yun ang akala kong mangyayari sa akin pagkatapos ng isang mainit na gabi na nangyari kasama si, Harry.

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I don't know if I'm right with the grammars I'd input in this story, especially sa flow ng event na ginamit ko, but I'm confidently saying that thanks to my broken self at nakasulat na rin ako nang naaayon sa kwento. HAAHAHAHHAHAHA feeling nervous knowing sa mga critique niyo, hopefully matulungan niyo ako to be more open for this first prologue of my story. Sorry for the brief prologue; I can't imagine myself na itutuloy ko 'yung kwento. I just felt na kailangan, for my heart to be at peace, so please bear with me, lablots.